Long ago, I wrote a post on "how to win a girl" from a woman's point of view. Now we have an article from a man's point of view. This one has been written by Kedar Anil Gadgil, whom we know to be practical and wise. And he should know, he wooed the most amazing lady by being himself (or so we think). Read on -
Men need to be MEN for women to be impressed.
unfortunately, the only 'manly' things some men tend to do have gone out of fashion with the invention of fire and they end up looking like boors and neanderthals...that is what they think 'being manly' is about...loud talking, being aggressive, using vulgar language, having body odour & dirty nails, and considering that there are only two states a woman can be: mother/sister or lover. any other state (like 'friend', 'professional', even simply 'human') is unthinkable.
and even more unfortunately, still other men think that being politically and socially correct means letting go of their manhood, and becoming more and more shy, effeminate and scared of showing their inner man in public, especially in mixed company
both the above types abound in our society and though, through FLNM's tight controls, you manage to keep out the former, what it does is brings in the latter. men who are afraid to be men. as you must have realised that most men do not understand the words, 'golden mean' and sway and oscillate between being boorish and sissy from time to time
most men, however, forget that there is a way to be a 'man' without being a neanderthal. the one manly thing that has not gone out of fashion is 'taking charge' and men who cannot do this can expect little in return, unless they are looking for a kiran bedi or a benazir bhutto (ok, that was a joke!)...but on a more serious note, men who are single must realise that being a 'man of action' is what attracts the ladies, and most women, or at least the ones they want to be with, will be put off with either of the two extremes. men need to take charge, sally & go forth without seeming to overwhelm or harass. this is a fine art and like other fine arts, can only be mastered through practice. for this, the men have to be prepared to take an occasional 'no', and need to learn where the thin line is. but then, if it is an art, and one need practice, how does one get practice without getting slapped in the process?
now, here comes the important point: intent. as the saying goes, "there are no good men, only good intentions". one needs to approach the issue with good intentions. if these are honourable, chances are, even if you make a mistake, you will not have gone down a point of no return and can easily extricate yourself gracefully. if you approach a woman with an intent to befriend, get to know her better and maybe see if it might work out, you are already a winner, regardless of whether it works or not. you will always come out with your head held high and some new lessons learnt. if you approach a woman with a less than honourable intent, i cannot be sure whether it will work or not, but i can guarantee that if it goes wrong, it will go terribly wrong. so, i feel that men who are scared of the consequences of being a man of action or of taking charge, are also unsure of their intent, since they probably imagine how it might end badly, calculate the odds, and stay away. on the other hand, men who approach the issue with honourable intentions rarely fear things going wrong, and are hence, more confident in their attitude and impress women
it all boils down to what you think about women and how you treat them. what you want out of them flows directly from this attitude. so, my advice to men: introspect what you want and how you look at the opposite sex. change what you need to change to make sure you have the right objective in mind when looking at another human. the right expectations and honourable intentions, coupled with a 'take charge' attitude will get you where you want to faster than you can imagine.
Kedar Anil Gadgil
unfortunately, the only 'manly' things some men tend to do have gone out of fashion with the invention of fire and they end up looking like boors and neanderthals...that is what they think 'being manly' is about...loud talking, being aggressive, using vulgar language, having body odour & dirty nails, and considering that there are only two states a woman can be: mother/sister or lover. any other state (like 'friend', 'professional', even simply 'human') is unthinkable.
and even more unfortunately, still other men think that being politically and socially correct means letting go of their manhood, and becoming more and more shy, effeminate and scared of showing their inner man in public, especially in mixed company
both the above types abound in our society and though, through FLNM's tight controls, you manage to keep out the former, what it does is brings in the latter. men who are afraid to be men. as you must have realised that most men do not understand the words, 'golden mean' and sway and oscillate between being boorish and sissy from time to time
most men, however, forget that there is a way to be a 'man' without being a neanderthal. the one manly thing that has not gone out of fashion is 'taking charge' and men who cannot do this can expect little in return, unless they are looking for a kiran bedi or a benazir bhutto (ok, that was a joke!)...but on a more serious note, men who are single must realise that being a 'man of action' is what attracts the ladies, and most women, or at least the ones they want to be with, will be put off with either of the two extremes. men need to take charge, sally & go forth without seeming to overwhelm or harass. this is a fine art and like other fine arts, can only be mastered through practice. for this, the men have to be prepared to take an occasional 'no', and need to learn where the thin line is. but then, if it is an art, and one need practice, how does one get practice without getting slapped in the process?
now, here comes the important point: intent. as the saying goes, "there are no good men, only good intentions". one needs to approach the issue with good intentions. if these are honourable, chances are, even if you make a mistake, you will not have gone down a point of no return and can easily extricate yourself gracefully. if you approach a woman with an intent to befriend, get to know her better and maybe see if it might work out, you are already a winner, regardless of whether it works or not. you will always come out with your head held high and some new lessons learnt. if you approach a woman with a less than honourable intent, i cannot be sure whether it will work or not, but i can guarantee that if it goes wrong, it will go terribly wrong. so, i feel that men who are scared of the consequences of being a man of action or of taking charge, are also unsure of their intent, since they probably imagine how it might end badly, calculate the odds, and stay away. on the other hand, men who approach the issue with honourable intentions rarely fear things going wrong, and are hence, more confident in their attitude and impress women
it all boils down to what you think about women and how you treat them. what you want out of them flows directly from this attitude. so, my advice to men: introspect what you want and how you look at the opposite sex. change what you need to change to make sure you have the right objective in mind when looking at another human. the right expectations and honourable intentions, coupled with a 'take charge' attitude will get you where you want to faster than you can imagine.
Kedar Anil Gadgil
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