Wednesday, 13 July 2016

How to make sure a girl never goes out with you!

Once my friends decided to introduce me to a single, eligible guy (that's the only time they did it because that's the only dingle guy they knew). Everyone seemed to like him and the general cry was "what a fabulous guy. Let's get him and Varsha hitched." So I landed up at the party, a little wary, but willing to give him a chance. The guy was hanging about the door, waiting to meet me. That was strike one against him - he was too desperate! Why was he not with his friends? After all, the party had been organised so we could meet, so why not be yourself? Do the things you would do at a party? Why wait like a wolf? It's not like I could run away after all that my friends had done to make this happen!



Anyway, we met - and he wouldn't let go! He told me everything about himself. Within minutes I knew what he did, all about his family, what he liked and didn't like, who his friends were (most of them were in the room but he told me anyway), all about his education, yada yada yada... Strike 2! Let me discover it myself!

Then came the questions - what do you do, how old are you, what do you like, how many siblings (my brothers were in the room too, but why not ask) blah blah blah...strike 3! Stop the interview! You sound like your mother doing a "ladki dekho." I wanted to ask him if he wanted me to sing, walk in a straight line, let him sample my cooking and knit a sweater for him! (Can't cook, can knit)

By now, I was desperate to run, anywhere, even off the balcony! But he wouldn't let go! I was trapped! I had come there to meet him, and by God, he was going to make sure that happened! I couldn't dance with anyone else because he wanted to show off his moves, which included about 35 left feet, I couldn't get myself a drink because gentlemen fetched drinks for the ladies. Now I'm a sucker for gentlemen, but this time I wanted to give up being a lady.

He kept asking me out (which at the start of the evening I had wanted to do anyway) - movie? I'll book the entire theater if you agree. Dinner? I'll fly you wherever you want to go? Coffee? I'll buy you the coffee shop! He could actually afford all this, but by now I was willing to be a nun to get away from men. Thoughts running through my mind were, "men are idiots." Finally, I was rescued by my brother and taken home where I switched off my phone to avoid him. He did have a lot of strikes against him.



I met him again years later, he was happily married except I pitied the wife, until he spoke to me. He said that he really wanted to be married. He had been looking for a long time, but hadn't found anyone. So when he met me, and I seemed like the right type, he tried everything to impress me and made a mess. After a few more interactions, I realised that he was in fact, a great guy, who just did everything wrong that evening! And when I remembered this incident, I decided to write this post.

I meet a lot of great guys who would make someone a wonderful spouse. The problem is, they are either too nervous about asking someone out, or make blunders in their eagerness to make an impression. In both cases, they come across as either simpletons or creeps. So here are basic rules to asking someone out -
1 -BE YOURSELF! You don't need to be like any of the other guys who are suave and glib. If that was the only thing that mattered, they would not be single too.
2 - Don't talk about your money and success. We can see it. And when you keep talking about it, you come across as someone who just got it and doesn't know how to handle it. Remember, actions do speak louder than words.
3 -Be polite!
4 - Repeat to yourself - do not touch. Do not touch. Do not touch.
5 - Don't lie because sooner or later you will get caught.
6 - We know you're eager to meet us. But stop pushing to meet NOW! Ask us out at a decent time. 1 am, just because that's when you'll be done with meetings makes you sound like a creep!  Instead, wake up early and invite us out for breakfast.
7 - Stop asking us to come to your house! Or to come to ours. WE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN WE WANT TO DO THAT!
8 - Revise no.4!
9 - Do not message and call late at night. Stick to human hours and tell the Dracula in you to go away!
10 - Revise no 4.


And women, please be kind to men but keep your safety in mind!

1 comment:

  1. Well after reading the story I wud say rather than writing 10 rules for guys just write one rule for everyone "dont be too judgemental in first interaction"

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