Friday, 28 October 2011

Being a single parent!

Footloose is getting set for the single parents meet...and the wall is abuzz with arguments. Most of them supportive which is a heartening thought.

When I was single, I wanted to marry someone who already had kids. I was not a spring chicken and wanted to start a family as soon as possible (things happened differently, but i shall resist boring everyone with that). And since I love kids, I saw no reason to wait. A kid is a kid...doesn't have to come out of me! Not to say that there is anything wrong with wanting kids of our own. I'm sure it's great joy to see a little version of yourself or your spouse. But since most people I know, have successfully managed to rid themselves of their spouses, I understand their worry.

What if you like someone and that person vanishes when he/she discovers your bundle of joy? I totally get that! I also get the other person's point of view. What if the kid hates me? Will I have the right to say anything to the child when he misbehaves? will it affect our relationship? Will the kid's absentee parent keep putting in an appearance? And all this is justified. A new relationship comes with it's own issues anyway, so it is definitely daunting to take on a kid too. And let's accept it, most of us (including me) want to be kids all our lives! (Hell! My kids will probably have to bring me up and teach me some discipline!)

Sometimes, the parent makes an attempt at a relationship and then gives it up out of guilt.Which is really sad! Because I know from experience that kids may get insecure, but they do finally accept whatever makes their parents happy. They are sensitive to our feelings, so let's drop the guilt. Because when they are older and living their own lives, they will be guilty that we gave up our lives for them.

I know a girl who shall remain un named, who lost her husband really young. With 2 kids, we saw her go through hell. She was sure she never wanted to marry again because who would accept a girl with someone else's kids? We despaired, lectured her and finally gave up1 And then she met someone who didn't care that she had kids. And today they are married - happily. Her new husband adores the kids, disciplines them and here is the best part of all - now that the kids have dad, they have forgotten all about papa!

So kids accept and people have's just a matter of saying I'm going to give life another try - guilt free!


  1. ...does one feel the change in TIME, i today`s day, with people`s different perception on Life, Job, Marriage, relationship, religion, social structure and of course parenthood!! There is a difference in being a parent and a father/mother. Now this is me, one of the above people, with different perception. A parent would be the one who wants to provide EVERYTHING what a father would want his kid to have, But this parent need not be a father/mother !!! They are OTHER people who has taken the place of those kids BIOLOGICAL fathers/mothers. A Man/Woman need not, or, as per me NEVER should even try to become a Father/Mother of that kid they adopt by marrying their Biological Father/Mother. I say again, time has change, ONE can be a guardian, person, or best..a human being the kids can look UP upon for ANYTHING !!! I somewhat do not like this statement "I would be LIKE a father to someone" ..I DONT want to be a father of that kid who has may be good/bad memories of PAST, Let time take care of those memories! But, for you, you can create a new threshold for that kid, a whole new beginning, which that kid also would love it!!! MY BLOOD BABY ONLY, is the sentence of NOT a very evolved soul, but rather, a very very evolved EGO !!! A kid, is a kid, is a kid, any kid!!! They say BLOOD is thicker then water!! But that blood will go dry when buried and perish when burn... what will remain is ONLY Love & Goodness of our Heart & SOUL :-)

  2. Time heals they say. But it does take time and then is one prepared to get into another emontional roller coaster after the healing? And with a child in middle? We may heal again but will it scar the child yet again? some anxities faced by every single parent makes it difficult to open up to another "relationship" and prefer to stay content with friends, family and in this era facebook :-)I guess it requires a lot of self conviction that it okay for the single parent to have some fun and happiness in life and for this the first move is by fellow friends and family to allow that to happen in the parent's life rather than allow any self guilt to creep into the persons life... thanks varsha and abhishek for making it happen. whether we single parents find anybody or not, the very thought of meeting other people and having an outing sometime which invovles are kids itself is a great beginning. Thanks for initiating the same.