Tuesday, 10 July 2012

I Blame You!

So your boy friend / girl friend cheated on you! Now please tell me how the entire population of their sex is responsible for this? 

How often do we say this? “My ex cheated on me so now I can’t trust anyone.” And just like that we walk away from any happiness that may come our way. We walk away from anyone who may want to get to know us better. Get over it, I say! Unfortunate though it is, everyone over the age of 15 has been cheated on in one way or another.

Much as I hate the thought, and I would walk away from it, people cheat and people get cheated on and that’s a fact of life. The other fact of life is that we hold the entire male /  female population responsible for it and expect them to pay for the sins of our ex. Really!  

In my single days, whenever a man told me the sad tale of his ex’s sins and launched into the “all women are b&^@!^s” speech, I ran. I’m perfectly willing to stand by a man in his time of need, but I refuse to pay for someone else’s sins. I refuse to spend the rest of my life, or even months of my precious time trying to reassure a man who is never going to trust me or anyone else. I refuse to be responsible for someone’s happiness. It’s too much pressure. Knowing that every move is being watched and everything I say or do will have a consequence, often unpleasant. Relationships, especially the beginning, are meant to be happy, carefree and a time when you walk on air. And the moment I begin to be the one on whom a man’s happiness depends, I vanish. 

We’ve all been cheated on, hurt and angered, but it’s not fair to make someone spend the beginning of a relationship trying to prove to us that they will never hurt us...considering it’s not a promise we can make either. Who knows what tomorrow has in store. Why do our yesterdays and fears of tomorrow shape our today?

So...I was happy being single and wait for a man who wouldn’t want me to suffer on behalf of his ex than be in a relationship with one who couldn’t get over his past and was too afraid to enjoy what I had to offer today!

Let’s give up playing “I’ll be watching you” inside our heads and get on with it. Let’s explore the other person. Let’s not ask for guarantees and above all let’s not force someone to run away by making them pay for sins they did not commit. Let’s make “Sunscreen” our new favourite and heal ourselves...because God knows the new guy didn’t cheat on you...but if you don’t stop crying about it, he will run away with someone else who doesn’t blame him for all of mankind’s infidelities!

And the next time someone expects me to pay for something I didn't personally do, I will blame them for every time I fell off  my bicycle or got into a fight with a boy at the age of 3, even if I didn't know them...because, after all, this is the blame game!


  1. So damn right! We keep blaming that something did not work out or they cheated...hey, wait! You were with the person because you wanted it and not because someone had forced you. You are all adults and well, if it didn't work, move on...the 'better' will never come to you if you are holding onto 'its maybe something that will become good' with both hands....you gotta have your hands free to be able to grab the better when it's there.
    Cheers babe! Love the post.

  2. But - Is it not anyways - not natural - to be monogamus..... so...why the HALLA BALOO

  3. Dear Anonymous! We don't condone infidelity. We are just asking people to not blame us for something we didn't do! I am totally against cheating on someone who puts their trust in your hands! It's unpardonable.

  4. Dear Varsha - But, it is inevitable - Cheating is just the word that has been used so as to tarnish a human beings NEED to have multiple partners. Worse, is the concept of ONE PARTNER AT A TIME - Infact, that is a hilarious concept.Some do it earlier, some do it late, some do it physically, others do it mentally. And as for the blame game - humans would not know what to do with their lives, if they stopped playing this sport.
    Isnt it the same sport being played RIGHT HERE from the very begining.

  5. Dear Anonymous :) Thank you for your point of view. I don't condone infidelity and this is my point of view. You are welcome to yours. My comments are not directed towards you in any way. Please don't take them personally. Each one of us has the right to live our lives the way we want... and I applaud you for living your life the way you want :)

  6. @Anonymous - Is this a nice excuse to play with other people? I am inclined to presume, for you, it is alright to treat human emotions and feelings (yes, yes, the body and mind as well) as a sport. So, when in your mind, it is a mere sport, it becomes all fair in love and war. Oh wait...did I say love? Let me take that back...to the risk of sounding presumptous, I do think you haven't been to that part of the universe, not the right one anyways.

    Lemme figure this out...Are you here for the sport? Umm...if that's all you see, that is all you will get. Eventually, life comes full circle. Humans have better things in the world to do than just play the blame game or cry about being cheated. I feel sorry for you that you have come across only those who blame each other, cry and do nothing about it. Shallow, ain't it? To be so devoid of the right person in your life. And heck, if one continues to do that over and over again, why expect a different result?

    Also, really, the decision any person takes in one's life is based on the choices they have made. Everyone has a choice. Not making a choice is also a choice.

    I apologize for being rude. I think I have been so. Who am I to judge you and likewise! Perhaps, that is all you have been through. You deserve a hug! A big one!

  7. I must say that I don't get the argument, considering the post is not about infidelity at all! Perhaps it should be read before commenting!

  8. If they wouldn't have sabotaged your bicycle training wheels, you could have landed a part in Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar

  9. I think this is also a stage, blaming...when we are alone...may be we wanted the relation to not end and the other person moved on and hence that feeling of a failed relation and sense of individual failure...but this stage also has a deadline...once its done and we are free from all noises in the head...then is when we shouldn't look back...

    Acceptance is the biggest key to moving on.

    and I believe only those who try to get in a relation as a rebound actually try to justify their stand of the previous partner...may be trying to tell themselves that they haven't failed.

    Maturity is when we accept...its OKAY to move on, its OKAY to have a relation not worked enough to last life time. we are human beings yet and its OKAY to expose the very emotions we possess when in and after...it wont make you anymore faulty.

  10. Also...one person moving on definitely do not certify even close to have cheated...so no question of infidelity...

  11. This is so true... Varsha.. I completely agree with you.. every person is different... Nobody is perfect... We have to learn to trust the other person and let go of the past.. Unless we let the past go.. we can never be happy in present or in future...