Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Back off Mr. Needy!

As promised, today is the day the men preen and the women squirm! Being a woman, I will always lean in favour of my sisters, but the thought of giving everyone a lecture is too tempting :) So here goes...

Yesterday I talked about men calling us clingy, psycho and other charming names...but there is that breed we call Mr. Needy, aka "the stalker." This is a breed we claim to detest! I myself have been known to call men needy. Why? The man wouldn't let up! He called me everyday and messaged at least 6 times, often telling me what he was doing (read thinking of me). I felt the need for space from this one and ran for my life and of course, told all my friends he was "too much in touch." He got the hint and moved on...and I began to miss the messages! But it was too late.

The truth is, that we want attention, we like it, we crave it, we demand it and if we don't get it, we wither...but when we have it, more often than not, all hell breaks loose! If he doesn't call, we drive our friends up the wall with "I don't think he's interested." If he calls, it's, "He's too needy. Why does he need to call twice a day and send me messages." Honestly? We don't know what we want and the man doesn't know what to do.

I recently had a man ask me, "I like a girl I met. How long before I can call her so she doesn't think I'm desperate." I had no answer, simply because when we want to inter act with the guy, we love the 15,000 messages everyday, even if they are bad forwards. But if we don't want to be in touch with him, even a hilarious joke sends us into a sulk.

There's no getting around it. If we want him, even if he's being idiotic, we find it cute. And if we don't...God help him. Unfair? I think so!

The onus of pursuing us is on the men, while we have the right to reject. God alone knows who made that rule, but there it is, and it's not about to change in my lifetime (I don't want it to either, because it's damn romantic to be pursued). But fact is, that we want the guy to work at it, but we give him little to work with. How is he to know that you are in a meeting and must not be sent a silly joke. Or that you're having a bad hair day and will bite everyone's head off! Or that PMS has set in and now you're impersonating Xena, the warrior princess! So the poor guy does what he thinks is right and falls on his face.

Another thing, men can't always romantic and paying us compliments (it get's boring, trust me) and no one (not even Vir Das) can be funny all the time. We have to take the fun with the boring and accept the fact that men don't really know what to say to these exotic creatures called women. So they will make mistakes, call us too often or not often enough and we need to respect the effort and tell them when they do something not right. Letting them flounder and then calling them needy is not nice! (This, of course, is presuming we are in the mood to be nice).

I see men trying to make conversation with women and failing all the time. That doesn't make them bad or dumb or stupid. It just makes them normal. And as Abhi would say, "Men are hard wired to be led on. If a girl smiles at the paining behind us, we believe it's for us and decide it's love." So, having established that most men don't know how to approach women (we Indians didn't grow up in the dating culture, and even there, the normal guys get left behind), let us be kind to them and appreciate the pressure of appearing cool and the effort of impressing us.

But in the end, I do agree that there are creeps out there...and let us be careful and protect ourselves! That is our first responsibility.

But, I would rather have a man paying me attention, than be completely ignored. Because when you are sitting there looking at your phone wondering why that light isn't flashing, needy seems much more important than cool :)


  1. Yes we women are difficult to understand and very cancerian ( read moody ! )Men are oh so gullible and less complicated. admit it girls ! I believe we should be gentle with all our relationships and not hurt the other person even if we didn't get our size in that sexy dress,the maid is on leave for a week and this horrible pimple rears its ugly head on our face !! I do look for humor and romance but I need someone to care for me deeply even if he is not so good looking, a comedy king,does not own the florists and has a bad knee to go down on to propose to me !! Yea we women are the conversationalists and love to communicate but so what if the men cannot ? Someone has to listen to us women too ! I love the numerous messages too so bring it on ! Men " Can't do with them and can't do without them " !

  2. hahahaha...as usual, bang on target!...aah! women! can't chase them, can't expect to be chased....aaaargh!

  3. I...oh...well...ummm...gosh! you so say it all! Well, we all have to go through meeting those who are not 'The One' before we get to 'The One'. Truth, everyone will have a different experience. More often than not, I also have wondered if as a clan women tend to write off a guy and then proceed to write them off with others as well. Does that happen? Oh yeah! With everyone? No. But, yes, it does...
    Food for thought. Remember, everyone's sailing on the same kind of scenario. Be kind. But. Be smart too. Not everyone you meet who looks cool is cool and not everyone who has been referred to as a jerk is a jerk.
    There is more to any relationship than what is percieved and meets the eye.
    But hey...let the eye contact begin...