Monday, 2 July 2012


I've noticed something very interesting! These days, "desperate" seems to have taken taken on some very strange connotations. And of course, it has every thing to do with Mars and Venus!(Big surprise, since that is my favourite subject).

It came about like this. I was talking to a male friend who called a girl desperate! They had gone out a couple of times and turned out that the girl wanted to be married. After a few coffees, dinners, movies and what have you, she brought up the much dreaded (by men) question. "Where is this going?" And that is when she saw skid marks. The man had vanished, never to be found again. He stopped responding to calls, messages, emails and generally became really busy doing nothing. When I asked him why, he said, "man! That chick is desperate! A few meetings and she wants to discuss our future. And she's not getting the hint! I'm not taking her calls, but she's trying to contact me like a desperado." Really?

Here's the thing my friend from Mars - you owe her a response. She invested in you and now you need to tell her where she stands. She is not desperate to be with you (maybe she is, but it could be called love), what she wants is an answer because right now she is a damn bewildered girl. She's wondering what happened to that attentive man. She's wondering what went wrong, and being a girl, she is wondering if it can be fixed! (yes! We don't run off with the next guy. We hang around and wonder and that's what makes us wonderful.)

Here's the other scenario. A woman hugs you, drinks you under the table, generally makes herself available and informs you that sex is all she's looking for, and you think she's cool! Really?

So by that logic, if you want to be a normal person you are desperate, but of your life is complicated and you turn yourself into a lush, you will be desirable. Forgive me, but I'm baffled! Men don't want the desperate, and cool is disposed of sooner or later, so what the hell do they want?

Fact is, we are not desperate. We want a regular, uncomplicated life, and we have every right to chase it. If we call you and text you, it's because we are thinking of you and we like you. Not because we are desperate to trap you.

So take a chill pill and decide whether you want our attention or would you prefer us to vanish on you. You know how that feels. If you don't, read my last post called, "men deserve it!"


  1. Awesome...Vee you are so spot on this time. Once upon a time a self proclaimed gentleman kept me guessing cause i broached it with him. That in turn kept me guessing if he was really a gentleman after all. In my view most men who do this really need to grow up...period! :)

  2. Please do leave your names on the comments. Also, another one coming up from the other point of view :)

  3. Sigh!!!!
    Sharing this! :)

  4. Bingo!U hv it there!Exactly what we fail to understand....The guys dont understand a simple thing as to possibly the girl would not be interested and is well aware about not taking the relationship any further in the future.It can simply be a want of being in a comfortable friendship with someone to whom you have opened your heart!!!JUST THAT!!!!!!!GOT IT?
    Hey ,u jumped into the relationship with open eyes so what makes you go blind now???The guys simply need to open thr eyes to go beyond "I,ME AND MYSELF" and realise that just like you have your options ,we women have options too!Its just that we dont want to hurt your feelings by showing you d mirror!The only way thy will learn thr lesson is when thy get a dose of thr own medicine from someone two steps ahead of them!!!---Anjali Bhargava.:)

  5. BINGO!!!!You got that one so right!Why doesnt it occur to these morons that you will save yourself lot of effort and waste of energy if you are more concise and clear.Probably the girl also doesnt want to take it to any other level other than the present comfort zone of the friendship....Its just being comfortably numb in a relationship with someone to whom you have bared your heart and soul out.They think its so cool to take all these evasiveness in your stride but hey ,Guys,did it ever occur to you that the way you feel you have your options,women have it too!Its just that they choose voluntarily not to choose the harsh way of showing you the mirror ,choosing to go soft on your feelings!Try to look beyond "I ,ME AND MYSELF!"Define your parameters and watch the girl abide by it too.Its the confusion of where they stand in your life that antagonises them...
    But I guess they will learn their lesson the day they get a taste of their own medicine by some female who is actually two steps ahead of them!

  6. Yes it is always a case of people from two very different planets !I am proud to be a woman and if the man finds me clingy,emotional and not so cool, he can take a hike !!
    Oh I have gone through this scenario umpteen times. Sigh....and wondered what do men want ?? are we just play things, or a coffee break, or a movie date and then just discarded like an old pair of jeans coz they are not so cool now....
    I would ask the men out there "Is it fun you are looking for , a one night stand or just that commitment phobia that you are still dealing with ? Decide and then seek us out ! Because we deserve better .......

  7. Very well written Vee... About the other viewpoint I am not so sure... but then it there are always 2 sides to a story.... Most women don't want to be the chasers thanks to the label called "Desperate".... But hey again.. these damn labels are "man-made" :-(.. And no I don't mean the gender man.. here it refers to us human beings so please don't get me wrong.. All I am saying is be it a man or a lady please stand on your ground and say things you feel and don't just lead the other person on...
    Happy chasing :-)

  8. Varsha, my thoughts couldnt have been better worded!! really! i dont get what men today want. While they know very well that the 'cool' ones and sometimes even the 'hot' ones are going to vanish soon, the 'desperate' ones are NEVER DESIRED... and they call women complicated :P


  9. Thank you :) BTW, a man, naturally, said that this post was disgustingly feminist, and would turn my husband gay! Just a couple of things -
    1 - A "man" would not leave an anonymous post!
    2 - I have always been fair to men. He is welcome to read other posts.
    3 - I am a "woman" and write from my point of view. This "man" is welcome to write from his! So many women couldn't be wrong!
    Another one is coming up from the man's point of view though :)

    Dear Mr. Anonymous! Your thought? Comments?

  10. Althea Kaushal2 July 2012 at 06:33

    Am also just a tad curious. Give a man a sister, cousin or dear female friend. Have this person go out on several dates with a guy. Am almost willing to guarantee that aforementioned man himslef is going to ask his sister, cousin or dear female friend "find out where this is going babe..otherwise can it"

  11. Girls should use this as testing tool :).If the guy runs away,he was never a man enough to be with.

  12. been there seen that...Such men deserve to stay single forever.Very unmanly to call it off by dropping of the planet. I guess we got to tell yourself not worth it and move on and hope karma catches up with men like these.

  13. shambhvi malik2 July 2012 at 23:09

    I'm so glad u brought this topic to the fore Varsha; what the man in question was doing and so many more of his ilk is called stonewalling in psychological parlance -in plain speak it is a refusal to honestly discuss ones motives, or negotiate a conflict in good faith and is categorized as EMOTIONAL ABUSE or emotional atayachaar in bollywood speak.It is a complete pattern of non communication, non cooperation that is the nastiest form of power play, deliberately intentioned to keep the partner on the "hook" not affording the chance to the other to truly move on as the issue or relationship is still open in some technical sense.And as for the desperado in question women know their mind - You had me at hello (jerry Mcguire)is not just a brilliant dialogue it is a reality for most women who follow their instinct. when a man relentlessly pursues a women , floods her inbox, sends her BB pinging every second its called wooing , but when a woman reciprocates its dubbed clingy, desperate or even worse easy!! i proudly wear my heart on my sleeve and will continue to do so ...

    1. So what would be the " RIGHT THING" for the woman to do if she is stonewalled and completely into the guy ? If she has put her feelings across and has no direction either way and neither any sign of getting any closure?

  14. Dear Anonymous! You really need to ask? Run! Find your happiness elsewhere. We do love more than one...just in a different way! Move on, for the love of God, before he moves on and finds someone else! "He's just not into you."

  15. Perfect!! its simple.. .Men like to chase and women like to love. So the key is to let them chase.. .I have seen many men pretending to their women that they love them and blah blah.. .but in reality they love chasing.. .whether before marriage or after, it does not matter. Haven't you heard the old northindian saying, "Marad ko pall se bandhkar pane aage peeche gumayegi tab shade tikegi." the sad part is that Men haven't changed ever since then.