Sunday, 18 September 2011

Women never get it right!

Since I've adopted my agony aunt role, I'm constantly inundated with calls and mails from women. Yes! that is what we do best. We talk! we ask for advice and we can't make up our minds. in the process, we drive our friends up the wall.

When I broke up with my ex, I went into a shell.  Later, I asked my friend Althea  (she is the one who suffers through my bouts of doubt) if I drove her up the wall with my moping! She saud "no." and I heaved a sigh of relief.  I seemed to have managed with my self respect intact. But not all of us manage it. Even I don't promise to manage on my own forever!

Everytime we meet a new man, we go into advice over drive. We ask everyone till they start avoiding us. We plot plan na dget confused and end up giving the man mixed signals. So here's my advice. FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND INSTINCTS!

Women have great inbuilt radars. We can usually tell if the man is not for us. I don't mean in the superficial, saw him across the room and no sparks happened. I mean after we've spoken to him, we know deep down in our hearts whether we want to know him.

And then, we ignore the instinct and start making calls, sending emails and messages. One says call him, the other ignore him. If you want him, you need to make the effort, if he wants you, he will make the effort. We do it all, changing our strategy every minute. Result, the man gets confused, decides we are too flighty, don't know our own minds, difficult and does the great Houdini act. And he is not wrong. We know everyone's mind but our own. And then we say men run off! Duh!

I say, use your inbuilt radar and take your call. Stop confusing the poor sod! If he was able to understand this complexity, he would not be happy with a remote and beer. So make life easy for him.

Be yourself. Make the effort to dress well (read non slutty! Unless that is the relationship you want. If he is attracted to you and likes you, he will get seduced by a potato wearing a sack), let him know you'd like to meet again (making dents in his chest with your body parts is not required to prove you like him. Usually a smile and a conversation are enough) and then leave him to his devices. If he likes you too, he will ask you out. If he doesn't, he's just not that into you! And for God's sake, don't play games like introducing him to other women to see how much he likes you. When you do this early in the relationship, he will just say, "but you got us together." Later in the relationship there is no need for it because you already know.

So go for it girls! This saturday, wear your smile and be yourself.

And just in case men think I only tell the women to get their act together, watch this space! YOU'RE NEXT!


  1. I said 'NO' for a myriad reasons:
    1: its just shorter to say it
    2: it safely ensures that the conversation kind of dies on you
    3: A 'yes' would mean our relationship deconstruction

    and in case you're wondering, there were 7 dwarfs: Sneezy; Sleepy; Dopey; Doc; Happy; Bashful and Grumpy.. and since that was so male-skewed, we added you.. our eighth dwarf.. Mopey... [you can dissimulate at length on 'mopey' but dwarf?.. thats kind of a given, aint it?]

  2. 1. We don't pretend to even BEGIN to understand the complexities of the 'fairer (???) sex'...
    2. We're happy with the remote and a beer in ALL circumstances!!! ;-)

  3. Do not agree!!!

    Not all girls plot or plan. Some are genuinely confused, scared or may be have even lost before they've tried. U can call em losers, but not plotters or planners. Not that, that is any better. Just drawing the distinction. That's a different breed.

    All girls do go into talk mode in overdrive not necessarily advice mode. Remember the hours of giggling, sharing fun secrets with your girl friends about your or her boy friend's love letter, the rose, a gesture, the whispering in the ear... girls share.

    Introducing him to another girl is by no stretch of imagination testing how much he loves her!!! Whoever told you that??? It could be genuine case of good intentions. Did you think it could probably be self doubt, inferiority complex?

    Girls are normally good. Those who aren't, are not girls.... they are (you know what)!!!

    Cheers to all the good girls!

  4. ViginTres -

    few reasons why beer is better than women:

    1) u can concentrate on the tv while u have beer!
    2) beer doesnt get a headache.
    3) beer is chilled!!!
    4) its frothy every time u open the can!
    5) U dont need to hug the can when ur done ;-)

    Having said that, no matter how good the beer, the slower the lips sip, the flatter it goes.... Have u tried going slow on a woman???


  5. Novice! I agree with most of the things you say! When I say plot and plan I don't mean conniving...I mean following everyone's advice and confusing ourselves. And my observations are just to get us thinking, not agree. When i started listening to other points of view, I found my own thoughts changing, and you, of all people know what happened after I listened to you :) However, if I presented all permutations at once, this would be a book! But I do intend to cover all of the points. Would you like to write a piece as the other point of view? I'd be proud to put it forward! Here's hoping my point of view will do for someone what yours did for me!!!

  6. Novice...

    Slow 'n' easy IS my mantra...!!!

    And while we're going about things, I'd also ask you to think about 'judging' people (re: 'good' girls). People make their own choices. And as long as they're aware of the what they're doing and the potential consequences of their actions, it's no one else's business. What's 'good' in your eyes may be perceived very differently by someone else. That does not mean they lack 'moral' virtue (and even the definition of what is 'moral' can be debated), it's just that their life experiences and choices are different to yours...

  7. Hey VigintiTres,

    Did i sound like i was sitting in judgement? I wasnt. I am no one to do so, nor do i have those qualifications. Nevertheless of late, my words seem to sound all wrong to the reader. My apologies to have hurt the sensitivities of he reader.

    "Good girls" in a girlie parlance is quite different from what people generally understand it as. I meant it as that. Dont ask me what it means. Trust me it has nothing to do with morality as perceived. i dont trust the effect of my words anymore.

    Ur mantra is the best. Lucky woman yours!!

  8. Novice...

    Please don't fall for the ridiculous 'PC' state of apologising for "hurting the sensitivities..." That's the biggest load of subjugation of individual thought I've come across in my existence. But don't get me started on that! I could write a few volumes... ;-)

    However, I do feel compelled to say that no one's mantra is 'better' than anyone else's. It's just who YOU are. A sum of what you've experienced in your life. Glory in it...

    BTW, I'm single... :-)

  9. Hahahah! You know this is just so spot on. Again!!! I deal with this as well...women, I have learned, or even men for that matter, eventually will do what they will...which comes from a lot of (ill) advise given by those who can only say stuff...the doing is all ours....never some point, we all wanted it. That is what we need to remember....Okay, I am going off tangent here, but really!