Thursday, 9 August 2012

Do you have a question?

As I was going for a walk today, I bumped into someone whom I have sometimes waved out to. She is a familiar face and I know nothing about him except that he lives in a 2 km radius of me.  As she saw me approaching, she stopped her walk, clearly waiting for me with a big smile. "I heard you got married!" She exclaimed! I expected to hear "congratulations", but what I heard was, "So when are you having a baby?" I wanted to ask her if she thought the only reason for getting married was to produce a litter but refrained and smiled. And it got me thinking! People feel it's their right to ask you any question that comes to their heads because they want to know everything about you. What they do with that information is a mystery to me.

So I have compiled a list of questions with possible answers. Some pertain to me, and some are generic. Feel free to add, adapt and use!

Que - When are you having a baby?
Ans - Never! Because I'm killing you for being an offensive git and going to jail. Don't want to have a baby there.

Que - You've been married 5 minutes, why aren't you pregnant?
Ans - Because my uteres jumped out of my body and went in search of nosey parkers like you to strangle them. Watch out, it's behind you now!

Que - When will you get married?
Ans - As soon as I convince your husband to leave you and marry me!

Que - Why aren't you married?
Ans - Because I'm a lesbian! and same sex marriages are illegal in our country!

Que - What do you want? Son or daughter?
Ans - Son! Preferably yours!

Que - Why did you get divorced?
Ans - My ex found out I was related to you and ran away! In fact, I'm thinking of divorcing myself to get away from you.

Que - Have you lost weight?
Ans - No! I had a bath and 6 kilos got washed away!

Que - Have you gained weight?
Ans - No! I'm an elephant in disguise.

Que - Why don't you lose weight?
Ans - So I can sit on you and break your bones for being insensitive!

Que - You know something?
Ans - Actually I know a lot! My IQ is way above yours!

Que - I heard your aunt / uncle...someone passed away! What happened?
Ans - They wanted to be rid of you, you ghoul!

And my final one...

Que - Can I ask you something?
Ans - NO!


  1. Q: What are you doing here?
    A: I have been paid by your spouse to spy on you

  2. the last one is my usual answer. its whacky !

  3. Hey, tell me, I heard so and so said this/ is doing this/ said something to you about someone else?
    Answer: Why do you want to know?
    (for me, this one works best!)
    Love this post. Such a cracking spot on one!

  4. my answer always, to all of the above... WHATS IT TO YOU ???

  5. HAHAHAHA... Hilarious Varsha. You made my day.

  6. Q - Are you free tomorrow?
    A - No, Im studying for a blood test!

  7. Q....Wassup????
    A....What possibly could be up???Lol

  8. These are hilarious! Must memorise some answers.. :-D Here's my contribution.
    Q: Did you have a haircut?
    A: No, this is when I shed.

    Q: Are you going out?
    A: No, i'm learning to walk backwards.

  9. Good ones Varsh!!.. adding the most typical common qstn. i get asked..
    Q. When are you going to invite us for your special (read wedding) lunch?
    A.. I don't' have to get married for that.. can take you out for a meal right now!!