Thursday, 16 August 2012

Sandhya speaks her mind...from the heart!

This time we share Sandhya Suri's blog! For those who don't know this, Sandhya is the one responsible for the gorgeous pics of the feeple. As usual, the blog is unedited. Here goes :)

Sandhya says - "I was wondering if this post will be about gratitude or fun or humour or utter seriousness. I thought about that for about ten seconds while I typed that. What the heck, I might as well let it flow out the way it will.

 I attended my first event in January at Zinc. Zinc shut down shortly after. Ooops! I am relieved to see the rest of the venues are still going strong. Phew! I would have thought I took with me, a charm that shut down these places. That would have taken me a notch ahead of Dhoble for sure if not anything else. (hush)

Nobody told me about FNM. I chanced upon it on Facebook and then decided to check it out. One prime reason was the fact that despite having a number of friends in this city, I realised I kind of did not fit in. Everyone was married, had their lives and conversations invariably were themed around bills, maids, school, feels lonely and disconnected. How do I even imagine I will find someone to grow old with in an environment like that? It's been a long journey, a roller-coaster ride since that one quiet first event. Why I mention friendship first is because, in my scheme of relationships in life, I want the person I wake up next to in the morning, to be a friend as well.

But, this email is not really about FL alone. It is about something bigger. Relationships. Commitment.

Commitment is one big fear to overcome. I don't blame anyone for being afraid. But, if you didn't, how would you ever know it was worth it? When you are on your own for a while, you get used to yourself and you begin to be afraid of commitment. I understand that. We are afraid our space will go. We are afraid we may lose our identity. We will no longer be just ME. Why? Because, a relationship demands to belong; to have, to possess and to be possessed, to make adjustments and bear things you normally wouldn't if you were single, to want and seek a certain degree of consensus before you do anything. So, when you ask yourself, am I ready for that, if you are entirely honest with yourself, you will know why it scares the shit out of you.

Its a hard bargain to drive with yourself. If you had to do all that, wouldn't you want someone who really thought the way you did, who teased your mind with an intellect that could defeat or answer your thoughts, who would be able to hold conversations with you and your silences? Oh yes! you would want someone worth your salt. We all look for someone to love us the way we know how we should be loved and a heck lot more. The beauty of it is, when someone worth it happens to cross paths, you will be ready, all of you, every single bit of the being you are will be ready to throw every theory of what you are looking for in a life-partner out of the window, stand in public, hold hands with pride and know that here I am, courageous enough to throw it all because this person, standing next to me, is with me, despite my quirks and respects me nevertheless.

Point is, if you want to be loved with commitmentt, be ready to go beyond just wondering and be ready to commit, despite your fears.

Give it a shot. You are born...and then everything else is an adventure, a story, an unfinished game, a blip on the radar and then gone, a transition from one event to another that shapes your life. While time may seem to be the culprit, time is also the redeemer. All of us have been hurt. We may think, nobody has been hurt like us. I know. Our pain always seems to be the one that hurts the most. You have got to remember, there has been no exclusivity for pain. The good part would be to let it slide out of your hands so your hands are free to hold the hands of someone who makes you feel, if I am where I am today, with this person, it has all been worth it.

We are afraid to love as well. Most of the time, we don't even realise just when we do begin to fall in love...just when does one realise that one is hit? Being in love is such an state of mind, such a desperate state of mind, such a painful state of mind, such a confused, bemused and happy state of mind...full of gladness, full of ache, one face above all others, haunting you day and night, one thought ever constant amongst others that run in your head, a re-run and a reference to the person in question in every is so many things rolled into one that the depth of it or the complete meaning of what has hit you can take ages to realise...or a single moment. If all or most of what I have said is happening to you, congratulations O brave are there! No matter how afraid you are.

The next thing is to speak up! Go on! say it...your life is not telepathy always. No matter how much someone knows, it is nice to hear it...and yes, important to hear it.

Take your chances. When the door you are looking at is shut, why assume it is locked?"

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