It happens! The rejection! It's a part of life. You go out with someone, have a great time, feel connected and then poof! The person's gone. Explanations are rare and when they do happen range from strange to spineless. "My ex girl friend wants to come back." (Oh! The same one you called psycho!) "My wife and I want to give it another try." (The one you divorced because she cheated on you and then you ended up giving her all your assets?) "My mom has found a great girl for me." (You mean your mom has found a great girl for herself and you're being an obedient son.) "I'm going out of the country for 10 years." (That is a problem because no one apart from you has a passport.)
From women it can range from never answering your call to giving amazing excuses like "I'm never going to make a good wife." (I can see that.) "My parents want me to marry someone of their choice." (I'm confused. Is this your wedding or your parents'?) "I want to focus on my career." (And since I want to chain you to the kitchen that's clearly a problem.) "My friends think we are wrong for each other." (Didn't realize I was dating them too.)
No matter what the excuse, it is clearly the end of what it may have been. The only thing left to do is handle the rejection, because no matter how cool we are, we are going to feel it. I've never known anyone who could shrug and walk on.
How it's handled is another matter and very few do it with dignity. Crying is fine, I even support it...and there's nothing like a good bitching session...but what amazes me are the allegations. "He is bad in bed." (We're never going to check on that one.) "He is badly behaved." (He collected his friends around because he was getting uneasy). "He would be on his phone constantly." (Maybe there wasn't much to say.) "He's a creep who lies all the time." (We couldn't handle the truth.) "She is a gold digger." (She was brought up differently.) "She refused to speak to my parents." (Maybe there was a reason.) "She would be rude to my friends." (Did they deserve it.) "She's a lush." (You drink too!) "My friends hated her." (Really? are you marrying her or them?) And the best one...."I think she's a lesbian." (No dude! She's just not into you.)
Point is, that unless someone has been really creepy and evil, before we put it out there, we need to think. Because as an ex, we hold the power to destroy someone's reputation and that power is heady. Most of the time, I've realized people try to let others down gently (unless they are creeps, of course) and we don't understand what they are trying to say. And that's when trouble starts. When they stop being gentle, we scream and shout and generally do the best banshee impression.
But here's the fact : unless someone has outraged our modesty or been evil or abusive, there is no reason to destroy them. They are allowed to back off as much as we are. It's a mutual relationship. Chances are, we could have felt it's not working out and the same things would be said about us (probably have been said already.)
And with both parties getting into this war, it's a party full of cheap thrills for everyone, while both get hurt, because all those people pledging support are not really going to stop their lives and hold your hand. Break ups will happen and we will discuss it with our friends, but how public we want to make it, and how much linen we wash in public is a matter of how much dignity we want to hold on to.
This of course, is my own opinion. And if people want me to watch the linen being watched, like everyone else, I'm game :)
From women it can range from never answering your call to giving amazing excuses like "I'm never going to make a good wife." (I can see that.) "My parents want me to marry someone of their choice." (I'm confused. Is this your wedding or your parents'?) "I want to focus on my career." (And since I want to chain you to the kitchen that's clearly a problem.) "My friends think we are wrong for each other." (Didn't realize I was dating them too.)
No matter what the excuse, it is clearly the end of what it may have been. The only thing left to do is handle the rejection, because no matter how cool we are, we are going to feel it. I've never known anyone who could shrug and walk on.
How it's handled is another matter and very few do it with dignity. Crying is fine, I even support it...and there's nothing like a good bitching session...but what amazes me are the allegations. "He is bad in bed." (We're never going to check on that one.) "He is badly behaved." (He collected his friends around because he was getting uneasy). "He would be on his phone constantly." (Maybe there wasn't much to say.) "He's a creep who lies all the time." (We couldn't handle the truth.) "She is a gold digger." (She was brought up differently.) "She refused to speak to my parents." (Maybe there was a reason.) "She would be rude to my friends." (Did they deserve it.) "She's a lush." (You drink too!) "My friends hated her." (Really? are you marrying her or them?) And the best one...."I think she's a lesbian." (No dude! She's just not into you.)
Point is, that unless someone has been really creepy and evil, before we put it out there, we need to think. Because as an ex, we hold the power to destroy someone's reputation and that power is heady. Most of the time, I've realized people try to let others down gently (unless they are creeps, of course) and we don't understand what they are trying to say. And that's when trouble starts. When they stop being gentle, we scream and shout and generally do the best banshee impression.
But here's the fact : unless someone has outraged our modesty or been evil or abusive, there is no reason to destroy them. They are allowed to back off as much as we are. It's a mutual relationship. Chances are, we could have felt it's not working out and the same things would be said about us (probably have been said already.)
And with both parties getting into this war, it's a party full of cheap thrills for everyone, while both get hurt, because all those people pledging support are not really going to stop their lives and hold your hand. Break ups will happen and we will discuss it with our friends, but how public we want to make it, and how much linen we wash in public is a matter of how much dignity we want to hold on to.
This of course, is my own opinion. And if people want me to watch the linen being watched, like everyone else, I'm game :)
The fear of rejection.We have all faced it at some point in our lives.It is a damned feeling and makes you angry, hurt, want to destroy and cry. But I would rather be rejected coz I always think it is the other persons' loss ! Yes the Exes'can make you or break you and this is all about revenge, sweet revenge.We human beings cannot face being said no to and that brings out the worst in us. We start bad mouthing till we are all colors in our face !we need to accept that and behave in a mature and civil manner. easy to say but believe me you are so much at peace if tomorrow you can be friends with your EX !!Think of the positive . Isn't it better to be honest with someone than fool them ? And then it is not the end of the world. Yes I too feel let the dirty linen be washed behind closed doors . Silence is so much more powerful than words at times. Lift your head up high and you will always be that way, looking down on people ( sic )
ReplyDeleteIt's not a relationship unless both agree to be in it. I do not quite like the word 'rejection'. When a person refuses to be in a relationship, they're most certainly not rejecting you - i'm not even sure if anyone can reject you, esp since i don't give anyone but myself the right to approve or reject me.
ReplyDeleteThere is something funny, though, that most of the men I dated would say. Most have one of two reasons why their marriages/relationships ended. 'She' was unfaithful or 'She' was crazy/mad. I don't see why not one (maybe I didn't date enough men or maybe I never dated the right kind), yes, not one could say 'We wanted different things',' I got too ambitious and ignored her', 'Perhaps we didn't communicate enough'. Always the hint that the ex was unfaithful or touched in the head. And then I couldn't bring myself to respect them either. Just me, maybe.
I think hatred and love are directly proportional to each other....d more u love a person......its exactly d same amount of negative feelings u may have later...but as time passes....all gets sorted out.....!!!!Been Accepted or Rejected is just that EGO satisfying thing in the end.....u take it as u like it...!!!!
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