Monday, 30 November 2015

What we want from relationships.

I met a guy a couple of years ago whom I befriended at a party just because he was shy and I was "Jhansi Ki Rani", rescuing this poor guy! He was trying to run away from the party but unfortunately for him, he bumped into me at the gate and I dragged him back, promising to hang out with him. Slowly, I got to know him. He is shy, but will always speak up for what he believes in. He is loyal without being clingy, well to do but not flamboyant, polite but not a pushover, ready to commit to the right girl but without cramping her style. Basically, he'd tick most boxes.

And I met a girl who also ticked all boxes. She too wanted to meet and settle down with a guy who wanted to commit. Naturally, they got together and it seemed like a match made in heaven. They got together and all seemed fine. He proposed to her, she rejected him. Reason? He was too committed!

What does that even mean? What on earth is "too committed?" Is it a person who is ready to commit? So do we want someone who will give us the run around citing all kinds of issues? Is that what we find exciting?

Is a person "too committed" of he/she promises not to cheat on you or even look around? Is that what scares us because it takes away the most commonly used excuse for getting out of a relationship?

Is it when the person wants to spend time with you as opposed to saying, "Hey! It's New Year's Eve but you do your thing while I do mine because if I ask you to spend time with me, I'll seem to committed?"

What is it that we want from relationships? Freedom? Commitment? Generosity? Understanding? Space? We make up these lists in our minds and then we want it all or a balance thereof. While fact is, in a relationship, like in life, there is never perfect balance. We need to pick and choose in order of priority.

But above all, we need to be sure that we are ready to commit in our hearts before setting out to explore people's emotions. Because, I do agree, the thrill of the chase is great, it's fabulous to see what turns up next and the butterflies only appear when romance is new, but romance is not is! Excitement is momentary...but commitment...that's my favourite word!

If we say we are ready for thee "ever after", perhaps we should first give up on the excuses that stop us! I've put down some of my favourite ones that I've heard over the years. Feel free to add your own :)

I've been traveling a lot. (Really? Every weekend? You need to quit that job!}
I'm really shy! (And it's got you nowhere)
I'm too different! {Just like everyone else)
I've never met anyone decent. {And you figured this out in the one time you got out of your comfort zone?}
I've been trying to meet people but it isn't working. (From your couch? By looking at pictures and rejecting or accepting?)
No one spoke to me! (This brings out memories of class 2!)
I did try it once! (And now you'll hide for ever?)
I once had a bad experience! (Yes! You and all of mankind! You may need hand holding but you'll get there.)
Mera kuch nahi ho sakta! (That's just giving up hope and no one should do that to themselves!)

1 comment:

  1. I have been rejected numerous times. Reason --> I came across as over committed. Whatever that means.