Monday, 19 October 2015

How to be a good judge of character.

How to be a good judge of character!

I have no idea. In fact, I'm pretty bad at it myself. But one thing I have learnt, and that is, how to ask the right questions.

But let me start at the beginning...

I got a mail from a member who had attended a Footloose No More event. She decided she wanted out because at the one event she attended, she didn't meet a single man who was separated or divorced. This was strange because we do not have married people on the platform. So I decided to check which event she had attended. Turns out, she came for a brunch that was meant for people who have never been married before (we do special events for divorced folk, single parents, out door lovers and what have you!) So when she asked if they were separated or divorced, the men honestly answered, "no!" She judged quickly and decided that this was a gathering of married men out for a sleaze fest!

How quick are we to judge people? How quick to rebuff any attempt at friendship or connecting. I myself have been guilty of this. I met a guy when I was a stupid young, judgmental girl (now I'm just mental but that's a long story). He walked up to me at a friend's party and said, "Hi. I'm Navin." Full of my own sense of importance, I said, "Good for you", and walked off. At that time I thought this was hilarious and that I had warded off (pretty smartly) advances of an older man! Turned out he was just a few years older and a really great guy! Years later we met at another party and he reminded me of the incident. I wanted to die of embarrassment. How could I have been so judgmental? How could I have thought that just because he was "older" (25 to my 20yrs) and because obviously any man walking up to a single girl is a creep, I sealed my fate and lost out on knowing a great guy. (I am friends with him and his wife now, but that's because he had more brains than me).

The point is, why are we so quick to judge? Why do we nor spend 2 minutes asking the right questions before declaring someone "wrong?" Do we prefer the swipe to speaking because there just a swipe on a picture helps us to indulge in some judgement? Why are we so impatient? Relationships are not instant coffee! You've got to grind the beans, enjoy the aroma and then savour the taste. If we looked at the beans and said, "Oh God! Here's another brown bean", how would we know if we like the blend?

So go ahead and ask the questions. But remember, safety first!

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