Sunday, 11 September 2011

A big resounding NO!!!

NO! I love that word! It signifies a simple answer, the end, closure and above all respect! Yes! Respect! When I hear it, I know that a person respects me enough to tell me the truth! To give me closure. And set me free to move on.

Go for an interview! When you hear a NO, you know it hasn't worked out and you can get on with looking for another job. Tell your kid NO, he can't go out, he sulks for some time then gets on with amusing himself at home! NO I will not eat pumpkin soup! NO! I don't think we should see each other again.It's not working. And you set the other person free. It really is that simple.

NO! This blog is not about pumpkin soup. It's about relationships. The beginning of them. Or even the end.Once again it is inspired by something a man said. And being a woman, I argued but truth is, I do get his point.

He went out with a woman a few times. It seemed good, but it seemed to go nowhere. Apparently she was confused! I don't know the lady and I'm sure she had her reasons but since the man is my friend, I sympathise with him. And all other men in the same position. And all the women who go through this at the hands of men! No wonder the war of the sexes doesn't end. No wonder all men are b@$*&%^s and all women are b#%&*@s!

Here's my question...You are confused? You don't know whether you like him/her? You need 10 meetings to figure it out? I seem to be dumb! I just don't get it. In my experience people know pretty early on in the relationship whether they like the other person enough to hang around. They usually use the "I'm confused" line when they intend to hang around till they find someone whom they will clearly like. Then ll confusions cleared and they are off. Men use it to keep the relationship from getting exclusive and to hang on to their freedom. Come on! As adults, are we really expected to believe people when they say this?

Sometimes it is used because we don't want to "hurt" the other party. Really? We will manage to avoid hurting them if we keep them hanging around for a few months? They'll be happier that we didn't let them off sooner? Didn't make them wait? Hope? Dumb dumb me! I could have saved so many people from being hurt if only I had waited a few months to tell them it wasn't going to work out. Hell! I could have been confused for years! But the truth is, that these same people, once they got over being upset, accepted the fact that I respected them enough to be honest and let them go. In fact, some of them have gone on to be my friends.

So go for it people...this week be honest, show some respect and set someone free! Trust me! They will respect you back for it!


  1. Well expressed!!.but the issue is when the other person cannot handle to hear that NO and the drama then unfolds after hearing the NO! avoid that post-NO drama, many people try and take the so called "safe-route"of hanging on without going anywhere in the hope that the other person will kind off get this hint that this is NOT GOING anywhere!..these are my observations and not an opinion!

  2. Piyush! I'd personally prefer the bridges burnt. I'm sure the death of a thousand cuts will not be much fun. Tell, deal with the drama and move on!

  3. No - a word cast in negativity, but when used breaks barriers and bonds alike.

    In context, yes i agree that, one should say no. Clinical precision in severing a relation is very important. It may cause a lot of immediate pain, numbness etc, but it will heal sooner than a nagging bruise which is a result of lingering show of politeness, 'care for your feelings' or just simple 'playing field' confusion.

    On the other hand, there may be a case where a person may not know how to say NO. A small but lethal word. I dont know if such a person suffers from the Stockholme syndrome hence cannot say no or is a softie and hence unable to use the powerful tool. But i do know personally, not having used the word in the early stages, has in the long run caused me as more heart burn than the other person. But i was neither being polite, nor confused. Just scared to lose what i had, whilst knowing that, that is not what i wanted ultimately.

    No matter the reason, NO is a word available and must be used.

  4. Piyush, the stress and frustation of being "in between" is much worse then, being in fire of hell when you say "NO" !! No relationship EVER can survive in Love, peace, and Harmony..without CLEARITY ! When you are clear in your heart, and, honest... then do not think about what other person will go through. May be, this sounds insensitive... But, I view this as sensitivity in REAL sense! Every "NO" .. be it any matter, will always give pain and despair. A "NO" ..specially in relationship many times crushes your ego too! and well, if you want to keep your heart sealed, having fear it might break..then DO NOT enter into relationship!!! This MIGHT happen more then many times. SO if one does not have courage to accept a NO gracefully. Keep your heart in safety vault, it will remain intact... but will never experience true essence of love..when it breaks...

  5. Clarity and clearity is very important to know where the relationship is going. "Donno", "can't make up my mind" "confused" are just middle path-words to remain care free and unattached and yet enjoy the way side of little dollops of joy.

    Its hard to hear "NO" when you truly love and care the other. Its a crush of the ego aspect, the fear of losing is always underlying, but to accept the reality and truth calls for maturity. "No" is a Will and accepting the No is a grace. If you are ready to plunge into the happiness of being in love and giving love, you should also be willing to accept NO when it comes. The beauty is to let go until you find the pain no more.