Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Getting married? You loser you!!!

We hear it all the time, "get married? Me? Do I look like such a loser?" And that's when I want to ask, "your parents got married and I'm sure most of your friends are married too. Are they losers? In fact, chances are that you are the only one in your gang who is single, the one with nothing to do in the evenings, always available when people call yourself impulsive and spontaneous, which you may well be, but fact is, that you are single!

And this is why when people say they don't want to be married, or who needs the stress of a relationship, I want to argue. There's no virtue in it. We pretend we want to be single because we worry that if we say otherwise, people may think we are desperate, which a lot of us are. I know I was, when I was single. Desperation was the reason I went to every party, hung out at the pubs (dressed to attract attention, which I did, except it was not the kind of attention I wanted), actually thought of salsa classes. And if at any of these I met a single man, I hoped like hell that I would click with him. Ultimately, this same desperation drove me to start Footloose!

I never pretended I didn't want to be married. I made it clear to the men that I didn't necessarily want to marry each single man I met, but lying to myself was not my thing. It's like this...when a man says he's not looking for anything serious, women think of him as an irresponsible good time Charlie and back off. When a woman says the same thing, she can't blame men for wanting a roll in the hay. If we don't want relationships or commitments, then we want a good time. And that is the popular perception.

My husband turned out to be the smartest. He didn't want anything (which I found out after we were married), but he kept his mouth shut. He spent time with me until he figured out that I was "THE ONE." Not declaring that he didn't want anything saved our relationship.

So if we want a relationship, let's admit it and not be afraid to admit it, because while being single is a lot of fun, being in a relationship is not weak in the fun department either. And if being a Casanova or heart breaker is what we want, who will we hang out with in a few years when everyone around us is sitting in their cosy living rooms with their families? And why else are we driving long distances, going on diets, dressing ourselves up and reading self help books if not to find our significant other?


  1. Hey Varsha.. Iv just joined ur group recently... My friend Swapna and me gotta know about u guys thru Vani (Swapna's friend). Today I actually sat down to look thru the site and I saw the blogs section and immediately clicked on it.... I write my blog too and reading blogs is something I like! I so agree with you on what u have written... I have always since years said that I WANT to get married and find someone and its so self defeating in a way to not admit that....We all want to find partners who complete us(am not saying that in a filmi way ;)but yes a significant other who we want to spend the rest of our lives with ..... Life can and will be so beautiful when we are able to do that as so many things thay you have always wanted and waited for just fall into place...... Iv tried a whole load of stuff to try to find myself THE ONE .. but no luck so far! Tried some systems that i cud relate to and others that i cudnt really resonate with but in the whole " make ur efforts" bit , gave that a chance as well.... And while the whole process and journey has sometimes been discouraging ,and i say that only cos everytime u go there with a lot of hope only to realise that it got dashed bit by bit ....but I have to admit that I am a huge believer in "things happen or dont happen for a reason"... and in due course we almost always realise what that reason is .... so no regrets ... which is what made me join this group.. this is a platform iv always looked for and thought ' where the hell do u find other singles or like minded people'... so when i read about u guys .. it sounded fascinating indeed ...... Im happy to be a part of this and hope to connect up with some interesting folks here .... :)

  2. Well said,Varshaa!