Tuesday, 13 December 2011

I'm the judge and the jury

Abhishek is just back from Pattaya and full of his ramblings which can be found on the Footloose No More wall. He can't stop talking about the difference between Indian and foreign men. While Indians are loathe to even hold hands with wives and girl friends, foreign men were seen wining and dining women they had paid for. They don't know each other, make no commitment, don't even speak the same language and yet treat each other with respect. Conclusion, it's easier to buy respect and affection. And that is my point.

Most of us don't look beyond wallets and bank balances.Which is fine, since we have achieved a certain amount in life and expect the same from our partners. But when we do meet people who would fit in, we forget to respect them. We start judging. So they try to be who we want them to be. And then we find them cheesy or fake! Grrrrr! Can we make up our minds please! What do we want? Apparently nothing if money can't buy it.

When I was single, I met a guy I likes on sight. He seemed intense and mysterious and hence exciting. It didn't matter that while some of us had coffee, he didn't open his mouth. Thank God! Because I wanted to unravel this mystery myself. So off I went, begging to Althea (there are times I wonder if she is my friend at all! All her fun comes from stories in which I am the ass). Anyhow, Althea first looked shocked and finally relented. She'd introduce us properly. She brought it up with him and apparently he said I was too popular and it made him uncomfortable. So madam advised me to not bring too much intelligence to the table.

Armed with this solid advice, I went off to meet him for coffee. The entire evening consisted of a few sentences on his part and polite smiles and agreements on mine (I followed the advice completely. I was the perfect lady). He came back and told Althea that he thought I was beyond dumb! (She's still laughing at my Barbie act).

The point is, we can't be someone else just to please anyone or to snag a date, a partner, a friend or a spouse. Sooner or later the truth will be out and the whole thing will fall apart. So let's not be too quick to judge (like the coffee man). At first, a person may not be what we want, but we offer rejection without knowing anything. Oh1 She laughs too much. I don't like his hair. She doesn't drink so I'll be bored. He didn't make any jokes. Fact is that we are not going to be making jokes or drinking all the time we are with that special someone. There will be layers to be peeled. And that's where the fun lies :)

So let's attempt to get to know someone before we call them dumb(coffee guy are you listening?) Or label them in any way. And let's try not to bias others at least. If we can jump on someone after the first meeting on pure physical attraction and then realize it doesn't work, why can't we wait to see what works before flushing them down the tiolet?

By the way, I thought coffee guy was beyond boring and needed a life! Talk about judging too soon!


  1. Very very bang on target...varsha!! Imagine the look on your date's face when he/she peels the first layer and discovers he/she has been set up with a cabbage in the guise of an onion...;D
    But on a serious note...it is very true. I confess i am guilty of judging people too soon and have kicked myself so often for having got it all wrong!! But i guess it's fine to err and learn and MOVE ON...better late than never. Like they say “Good judgement comes from experience. Sometimes, experience comes from bad judgement.”

  2. Aha! CANNOT believe you have finally accepted in public, what we have all known in private for years ...that you a a closet Barbie.. And doll-sized at that!

  3. More power to your pen. You speak...we nod...in agreement!!! :)