Monday, 12 March 2012

Of course it's your fault!

It is with a certain sadness that I write this one. Recently we had to remove a member from footloose because his ideas about women did not match ours. He was derogatory and insulting. I bow to the lady because she stood up for her dignity and fought it out. I'm so very proud.

But I am sad...because while some applauded her, a lot of people told her, "it must have been your fault." I'd like to ask, "how." Not just in this context, but in the context of every woman who goes through abuse and keeps quiet, because "if you wear a short skirt, you will be raped," "if you go out late at night, men will believe you are a slut," "if you can't cook, your husband will be displeased,"....the list goes on! Why? If I cook well, will the husband love me forever? If I give up short skirts, I will never be eve teased? (I grew up in Delhi, and let me tell you that you could be 100 years old, wearing a burkha and walking with 3 grand sons, you will be eve teased), if I only go out in the day, I'll be a good girl? If only things were that easy!

Fact is that as single women, we are more vulnerable! We hope, and that hope makes us believe too easily. Also, in the world of the internet, everyone who comments on our copy pasted status update, begins to seem like a friend. And that is what the creeps feed on. They say smart things, ask us out and move in for the kill.

But that is them! And while I do believe that each one of us is responsible for our own safety, should we not blame the other person when it is justified? There's no glory in being a victim. And I firmly believe that no woman should take abuse or insult lying down (easy for me to say! All 5 feet of me instantly attacks a man who misbehaves with me, never mind the size of his body, car or wallet).

Then of course, there are those women who will slyly and indirectly mention it but hope no one ever finds out what happened. Why? You did no wrong girl! Stand up for your dignity. Move it and do it or expect no sympathy. Because people who don't know, can't support you!

As for the other women, before we label anyone, let us remember that we are women too! It could happen to us anytime. Before we look for love, let's love each other.

Having raved and ranted, I'd like to say that I speak as a woman in another woman's support, but I have met thousands of nice guys too. Men who have become my friends and without whom I can't imagine my life! Hell! I even married one! So let us not let one incident scare us (I do intend to drone about that at a later stage). Let's look at the normal men who are nice to us. Let us be supportive of them too.

And oh yes! Let us be kind to each other, because men get taken for a ride too! And, (surprise!)men also hurt. So let's not blame all of mankind for a few creeps! Let us stand up to the undeserving ones, and bow to the ones who make the Mars and Venus thing worth it!

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