I need closure!

This is the one thing everyone wants. Closure! In all aspects of life, but specially in relationships. As every form of wisdom will ever tell us, “close a chapter and only then will you be able to move forward.” And in most things it is true. Throw out old clothes to make space for the new, spring clean your house so you can add new things to it, throw out anything you haven’t used for 6 months because clearly there is no need for it as it serves no purpose...we’ve heard it all. And yet, when it comes to relationships, we hang on to them long past their sell by date. They die, they rot and we hang on...waiting for that thing which never happens...CLOSURE!

I finally learnt to accept that in relationships there never will be closure and we will have to learn to move on regardless. We break up, have endless conversations with the one who broke up with us, e mails, texts and calls are exchanged, friends are bore to death as we discuss why it ended and sometimes we even get the answers but it doesn’t help. We spend our lives wondering why it ended and if it can be resurrected. The answer is often no!

The object of our affection has moved on and that is the only answer...the absolute truth and no matter what, we will never know why. We ask ourselves, “how could he / she leave after what we had?” We even ask them! Often they don’t answer but sometimes they do. They felt it wasn’t working for them, or they were feeling caged in, or mummy didn’t approve, or fell in love with someone else! The answers are many, and once we have this answer, we move on to the next question, “but how?” How could you fall in love with someone else? Wasn’t I good enough?” “how can you not tell mummy that I’m important?’ “how can you say it’s not working? It seems perfectly like it always was.”...yada yada yada! And often we don’t believe the answers. Feel caged? Need freedom again? Need a break? From me?

The point is that no matter what we are told, we can’t accept it. We will keep looking for reasons and searching for what we did wrong to drive them away. Even if the person drops dead, it will be “how could this happen?” i’ve found there is nothing called closure! And that we did nothing wrong. The person left because it didn’t work for him / her and that’s the only closure we’ll get. And the only thing we can do is accept it and move on, unless we want to hang around asking for closure for the rest of our lives, in limbo and not noticing the goodness around us! The only closure we can have is when we let go of the questions and look onward!

When we find happiness again, closure comes automatically because you no longer care, and weep and fret and wonder! And that is the only closure we need. Trust me! I’ve been there!