Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Little white lies!

As usual, this one also is the result of a really strange conversation! I was speaking to a male friend who has recently got married. I've known him for a long time and always been very fond of him. He is fun, intelligent, caring and above all, honest and straight forward. With him, what you see is what you get! So we met, chatted and then he said, "could you please not tell my wife that I had a girl friend before!" Huh? A girlfriend? As far as I know, he is very out going and makes friends easily and so has a lot of female friends too! As for "a" girl friend! I know he wanted to get married for a while, joined up a couple of matrimonial sites and platforms and would land up where ever there was chance of meeting a single girl. I also know that he is not sleazy and when he went out with a girl, he would try to see if she could be his soul mate. He simply searched! And when he found the right girl, he married her. He wasn't out raping, pillaging or plundering! He had always treated these girls with respect! So what's to hide?

According to him, his wife is very "broad minded and totally accepts the fact that he went out with girls while looking for a wife!" I had an insane urge to laugh my head off and ask him "broad minded about what?" How did she think you were going to get married without meeting girls? or is she broad minded about the fact that you like women as opposed to men? I didn't get it at all!

To begin with, if you are a normal man, you would know women...you'd have spoken to them...gone out for parties...dates...and the stuff that follows! I wanted to tell this man, that not having done any of this, makes you sound like a socially inept twit in need of help and why would a normal girl want to marry you?

And who are these women who want 30 year old men who have been saints till they met these girls? What is wrong with them? Do they want men they are compatible with or do they just want anyone at all? And at what point did we start believing that good guys are men who have been wall flowers all their lives?

These broad minded women seem to have issues with men who had a life, but are ok with stories of drunken behaviour (as long as it was done with the boys) and other things which could border on small evils!

Someone also please explain to me what is wrong with these men? Why would you start the relationship with a lie? And why would you force compatibility by pretending to be someone you are not? Compatibility is not about approving of what your partner did in the past. Nor is it about reading the same books or watching movies together or having the same interests! It is about having similar values, believing in the same things, giving each other space and accepting your partner along with the past, as long as it is not entering your life now!

Actually, let me sum up this tirade in a line - "show me a relationship starting with a small white lie and I'll show you a relationship about to run into troubled waters!"

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