Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Learning about relationships.

Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar
Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar
Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar is the co-founder of Footloose No More, a platform which redefines the way marriages happen in urban India. Having launched three years ago in Mumbai, it is now in Pune too. Footloose No More was started by Varsha and her brother, Abhishek Agnihotri who have, since its launch, also found their soulmates in the group. The core of the group is marriage- in a fun, friendly and modern way.
Relationship Lessons from My Twins
I am obsessed with human relationships! I talk about them, I write about them and I can discuss them till the end of the world. I have an opinion on all relationships and how they can be handled. And yet, now when I am in the most important relationship of my life, I am in utter despair because I have no idea of how to handle it - the relationship of a mother with her infants!

I am a new mother to two-month old twins and much as I lovethem, most times I have no idea of what they want from me! They cry, they wail, they throw tantrums, act indifferent, turn their backs on me, and I have no idea why. They sulk and give me attitude, but are absolutely happy when they are with others! I lose patience, get exhausted, fail at trying to read their minds and burst in to tears of frustration but nothing seems to help. There are times when I just want to run away but then I feel guilty and pick them up and hug them.

A smile, rare though it is, makes my day and I decide to give understanding them one more try. Sleep is a distant memory and my appetite has vanished! And that is the secret behind shedding all the pregnancy weight). When I go out, I miss them and when they are with me, I wish I was away from the tantrums. They are unpredictable and that makes them exciting. I realise that they are dependent on me as I am on them, but I have no idea where this relationship is going! Ultimately, I hope it will all work out and we will have a long and happy life together. Sounds like love, doesn't it? Exactly like all the relationships that we got in to and wondered about.

And that, to me, in my sleep-deprived state seems to be the sum of all relationships! Two people who are trying in a new relationship, or headed towards it, are like infants - they have no idea of what to do with each other, what the other wants or why the person is sulking. They are confused about their changing status and wonder if they can handle all this at all, so they try to run. They cry, they throw tantrums and yet we want to be together because the unpredictability is exciting. We have sleepless nights, lack of hunger and they are always on our minds!

We keep trying and hoping it will work out. Sometimes it doesn't because unlike mother and child, the option of leaving is unavailable. But exactly like this one, for any relationship to work, we need a lot of patience, understanding, accepting that you may fail and above all, being ready to be tied down in spite of too many demands. And that, I have learned is the first step to a successful relationship!

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