Ever noticed how tough it is to get ready for a night out? Women tend to stand staring at their wardrobes for hours. Then out comes everything to be tried and discarded to the wails of, I have nothing to wear! And it's off to shop some more...
It's the same with relationships or trying to find that one person whose hand you can hold forever. I meet at least a hundred single people every month. They also meet each other, and yet they claim that they haven't found anyone. It was the same with me! I met all these perfectly good people and ran away claiming there was no one for me. And this was no different from meeting about 2 single people every year. This is clearly a case of "the choice overload!"
Having too many choices is confusing. Everyone has something that appeals to us, and lots that doesn't. It's also exhausting! Thinking so much about what to choose can lead to severe brain on deciding powers. It is frightening! What if I make the wrong choice in spite of thinking so much. And this leads to absconding from making a decision altogether. And hence, we remain alone in spite of the choices!
I've said my piece but I have no idea of how to beat this overload. In my case, I just decided to stop! I met someone whom I liked enough to get to know better. I stopped waiting to see what would turn up next. I accepted that as life went on, I was likely to meet a lot of men I really liked, whom I could get along with, but how long was I going to keep checking my options? Until I became an aging serial dater? Or an eternal singleton who gave up out of confusion? Or be the "eternally complaining about lack of choices" annoying girl? I'd had it with myself! And wonder of wonders, when I got out of this self inflicted fog, I found him!
I still believe that if I had not married Prashant, I would have met a lot of men I could have got along with. I still meet a lot of them. But to me, starting Footloose No More, meeting men, going out with them, was a means to an end - to find my happily ever after!
I now realize that the trick is to not enjoy the game so much that you never let it end! Our lives should not become a version of Temple Run, where ostensibly there is an idol to get at the end, but the game is endless! So decide to make that choice and grab your ending the way you want it!
It's the same with relationships or trying to find that one person whose hand you can hold forever. I meet at least a hundred single people every month. They also meet each other, and yet they claim that they haven't found anyone. It was the same with me! I met all these perfectly good people and ran away claiming there was no one for me. And this was no different from meeting about 2 single people every year. This is clearly a case of "the choice overload!"
Having too many choices is confusing. Everyone has something that appeals to us, and lots that doesn't. It's also exhausting! Thinking so much about what to choose can lead to severe brain on deciding powers. It is frightening! What if I make the wrong choice in spite of thinking so much. And this leads to absconding from making a decision altogether. And hence, we remain alone in spite of the choices!
I've said my piece but I have no idea of how to beat this overload. In my case, I just decided to stop! I met someone whom I liked enough to get to know better. I stopped waiting to see what would turn up next. I accepted that as life went on, I was likely to meet a lot of men I really liked, whom I could get along with, but how long was I going to keep checking my options? Until I became an aging serial dater? Or an eternal singleton who gave up out of confusion? Or be the "eternally complaining about lack of choices" annoying girl? I'd had it with myself! And wonder of wonders, when I got out of this self inflicted fog, I found him!
I now realize that the trick is to not enjoy the game so much that you never let it end! Our lives should not become a version of Temple Run, where ostensibly there is an idol to get at the end, but the game is endless! So decide to make that choice and grab your ending the way you want it!
You are right.
ReplyDeleteHaving got married, divorced, engaged, broken engagement and finally getting married again, I have come to a conclusion that the meeting of people is a never-ending-saga.
A single Guy/Gal can potentially meet billions (Atleast theoretically), and i can challenge you that not a single person will be 100% perfect.
The best thing to do is keep things in perspective.
For eg, I would decide what I want in my future life-partner. I would meet, lets say 6-7 different women who fit the bill. And I would have to decide to go ahead with 1 of them.
And I could meet that person 3-4 times and take a decision.
One can argue that 3-4 times is too less for someone to take a life long decision. I would say (from my personal experience and experiences of several friends) that you could know a person for 5 years and YET there is no guarantee that once you marry that person, you will lead a happy life. I know of so many cases where marriage breaks down within few months despite the couple knowing each other for 4-5 years.
Whether one likes it or not, marriage is a gamble. Perhaps the only legal gamble allowed in all countries worldwide. And as in gamble (Just as in life), there is NO guarantee.
You either take the leap of faith or you don't. There are no in-betweens.
And despite being in 2 failed and very heart-breaking relationships, i am still of the opinion that marriage is a beautiful institution. No feeling can even come close to that of waking up every morning next to your partner.
I am lucky, that my wife is not only my best friend, she is also just like my mum and nothing short of a guardian angel.