Being Mommy

Here it is - the link to the post on iDiva.com

http://idiva.com/opinion-iparenting/my-secret-to-being-a-happy-new-mom/15050798

The lazy ones can read it right here.

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I'm a new mother. My twins are 11 months old, and demanding and adorable in turns. When they turned 10 months old, my husband and I decided to reward ourselves - with a holiday - to Vietnam... without the kids!

When we made the announcement that we had decided to do it, we met with shocked gasps, guilt trips and what have you. We remained firm and went off to have a babymoon post the babies with blessings from our family who geared up to look after the babies! Some friends called us "cool parents" while most promised us that we would be back from the airport without having boarded the fight. But putting our fears aside, off we went, and came back. What I learned while travelling sans babies was that I'm not a bad mother for leaving them behind. I've just done what most moms would like to do. (Yes, my husband is left out of the story because this is about "being mommy".) It took courage and it took a lot of guilt to do it. I talked about them non stop, called often and demanded pictures every minute. I was even shocked to realise that the kids didn't seem to miss mommy at all. They were with their grandparents and all of them seemed to be having a blast.

So here's what I now know about being mommy! Few of us are lucky enough to have support from family. If you are one of the lucky ones, don't be afraid to ask. An exhausted mom is a snappy mom. And there is no point in killing yourself when you have family to help. A good nanny is great. You don't have to do everything yourself. There is nothing wrong with getting help to bring up your children.

If you work, then go right ahead as long as the kids are not attention-deprived. I was back at work within days, and have never looked back. The kids have adjusted to it and love me just as much as they would if I obsessed and hung around all day.

You need time for yourself and your spouse. Yes, you are both parents and he is their daddy, but before that happened, he was your husband, and he will be that all your life. He needs you just as much now, exactly as you need him. Spend time with him. If you don't have help (which is rarely the case in India), enlist friends. There is no shame in asking for help. If your friends can't help, postpone your "me" time. But don't give up on it. Being mommy is a tough job, don't let yourself slide into despair. Make friends with other mommies. They are the best 3 AM friends you'll have, because no one gets it.

Dada and dadi may have opinions, but they love the kids and will do a cracking job of looking after them - they have more experience of bringing up kids and they do it just for joy! The kids too will lovethe time spent with them. On the other hand, it's not their job to do it. So appreciate the help! The joke in my house is that I will need to discipline dada and dadi along with the kids. So I now actually have four hell raisers!

Above all, remember, it does take a village to bring up a child. Be a mother, but remember to be you, obsess in private and show your child what a cool and fun mom you can be. Because happy mommies bring up happy babies!