Thursday, 21 May 2015

How to find your perfect match

A friend of mine was seeing a girl for 12 years. The reason they went through such a long courtship was that they wanted to be absolutely sure of each other before they made it "permanent"! The marriage lasted 8 months. And this, of course, got me thinking...

How long does one need to get to know a person? To be sure? To know that this is "the one?" A few days? A few months? Years? A lifetime? And even then, do we really get to know people? Is knowing the "real" person directly proportionate to the amount of time spent getting to know them without any commitment? Do we preclude the fact that people change. Then why do we think that just because we have spent a few years getting to know them, they will be the same forever?

If my friends had just decided to commit, they would have had a few years of marriage, may be kids, and who knows...maybe it would have lasted! Even if it hadn't, divorces do happen, even after you swear that you know someone really well! While arranged marriages, made after meeting the person a few times only end up lasting a lifetime.

I also know a couple who got married after 3 months of knowing each other. They have now been married for going on 6 years and have kids. When they announced their decision t "go all the way" everyone thought they were making a mistake. "How well do you know her anyway?" was something he heard a lot of times a day. Ditto her. Their logic was, we know that our values match. We know that we are normal people who'd like to spend time together. We know that there are no creeps and abusers here. That's enough to know that we want to give this a shot because any more time spent on getting to know each other is a waste. You know certain things only after living with someone for a extended period of time. And people are works in progress, they evolve and change. They either grow together or they grow apart. Why should we wait for years, waiting for the faults to show up...expecting them...and then wairing for the break up. Twelve years of being together is already a marriage, just without the paper. Then is the lack of "the paper" just the exit clause?

I was very clear when I was single - if someone needed years to get to know me, then I wasn't wasting my years, because this person was actively waiting for peoblems to arise. I would get sick of waiting and blow up, wouldn't I? Wouldn't you?

And if we don't know the person after a year or 2, will we ever really get to know them? And what are the things we need to know?

The question do you find your perfect match? Because we look for people, not the perfect shade of foundation!

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