Another day, another lot of people, and a few hours discussing matters of the heart! This time, the people were in their mid thirties to forties, and all had the same compliant - "we can't find anyone who suits our preferences."
This is something I have written reams about, but this comes up in every conversation and there seems to be no satisfactory answer. So this time, let me ask a question!
"Do you suit people's preferences?" When we talk about our search for "the one", we have a long list which usually goes like this - good looking, 5 figure income, fun, sense of humour, should make me laugh, look after me, not be too attached to parents, love travel, love to give me gifts and surprises...
WOW! That's some list! It's almost like we are setting out to get the perfect car or house!
But what no one ever talks about is what they plan to bring to the table! So you have 40 yr olds calling other 40 yr olds - too old! You have a person with a corporate job calling other corporate job holders boring, and you have people who don't know the difference between "their" and "there" calling everyone else uneducated!
My question is, when will we also look at ourselves? It's great for a middle aged person to want to be with a lissome young ting. But what about the PYT wanting to hang out with the middle aged person?
To us, unfortunately, everything seems to have become about Facebook pictures! We want to look at perfect profiles with happy, airbrushed pictures. In fact, we seem to want to become perfect profiles ourselves. But does a perfect profile mean perfect compatibility? does looking good in pictures together mean being good for each other?
Are we looking for an extension of arranged marriages where profiles are the only things that matter?
When did we forget that people are not profiles or pictures or the posts they share on social media? They are in fact, supremely interesting beings - a sum of their strengths and weaknesses, perfections and imperfections! Why do we ignore people and look at profiles? Why do we not converse or even chat?
And meanwhile, we have a lot of people, perfectly good people, out looking for the perfect profiles, still single!
Go change it, I say! Connect, converse and discover. Look beyond how you will look with someone or if the person will keep you entertained for a lifetime of give you all you want, because, trust me, someone who puts a smile on your face is better than someone who makes you laugh! Because small smiles are what relationships are made of!
And remember, the perfect match is a shade of foundation, not a person!
This is something I have written reams about, but this comes up in every conversation and there seems to be no satisfactory answer. So this time, let me ask a question!
"Do you suit people's preferences?" When we talk about our search for "the one", we have a long list which usually goes like this - good looking, 5 figure income, fun, sense of humour, should make me laugh, look after me, not be too attached to parents, love travel, love to give me gifts and surprises...
WOW! That's some list! It's almost like we are setting out to get the perfect car or house!
But what no one ever talks about is what they plan to bring to the table! So you have 40 yr olds calling other 40 yr olds - too old! You have a person with a corporate job calling other corporate job holders boring, and you have people who don't know the difference between "their" and "there" calling everyone else uneducated!
My question is, when will we also look at ourselves? It's great for a middle aged person to want to be with a lissome young ting. But what about the PYT wanting to hang out with the middle aged person?
To us, unfortunately, everything seems to have become about Facebook pictures! We want to look at perfect profiles with happy, airbrushed pictures. In fact, we seem to want to become perfect profiles ourselves. But does a perfect profile mean perfect compatibility? does looking good in pictures together mean being good for each other?
Are we looking for an extension of arranged marriages where profiles are the only things that matter?
When did we forget that people are not profiles or pictures or the posts they share on social media? They are in fact, supremely interesting beings - a sum of their strengths and weaknesses, perfections and imperfections! Why do we ignore people and look at profiles? Why do we not converse or even chat?
And meanwhile, we have a lot of people, perfectly good people, out looking for the perfect profiles, still single!
Go change it, I say! Connect, converse and discover. Look beyond how you will look with someone or if the person will keep you entertained for a lifetime of give you all you want, because, trust me, someone who puts a smile on your face is better than someone who makes you laugh! Because small smiles are what relationships are made of!
And remember, the perfect match is a shade of foundation, not a person!
True true Varsha
ReplyDeleteJust one comment-sometimes posts can tell you a bit about the person and make you smile
Very well said...love the blog😊
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