Saturday, 26 January 2019

The Ex Factor

I ended up spending my evening with a friend whose ex had shared pictures of her family on social media. She is now married, has a kid and had just celebrated the kid's birthday. The pictures were adorable. But one look at them, and my friend's mood plummeted into despair. "This could have been my life", he exclaimed! And I agreed. It could have been, but it isn't, with very good reason.

They were seeing each other for a long time but didn't end up together. I don't know the reasons and nor is this about them. Time passed. She remarried, had her kid, moved pout of the country and seems happy in the pictures. My friend stayed single, grumpy and held the moving on against her. He always resented the fact that she seemed happy. Every time he saw her pictures, he thought he had missed out. If only they hadn't split up, this could have been his life. Maybe, but probably not!

You see, hindsight is a perfect science. You know exactly what you would have done in the past to make things right. But you didn't. And it ended for a reason. It ended because it wasn't working out. And if you had stuck together, loathe to let go, your picture probably would not have been this. And the split would have happened anyway because you weren't compatible. It's no one's fault. This couple just weren't meant to be together.

To covet the life and relationship your ex has now, with someone else, is self defeating. It just makes you resentful and unhappy, obsessive and hence unattractive!

The fact is, the ex has that life with someone else because of the person he/she found. It's about their chemistry and compatibility. That life was never going to be yours. This is the relationship those two people have. How could you have the exact same thing?

Yes! Maybe you would have had similar pictures. Maybe not. The thing to remember is that each relationship is different. And resenting or getting upset is not helping. So in stead of focusing on what the ex found, why not get out and find your own happiness? Why covet when you can have it too, only if you make the effort.

Moral of this very long story - get over it! And go find your own happy ending. And that can only happen if you get the ex factor out of the way!

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