Me having a conversation with my 6 yr old niece -
Me - "Do you like our new swimming coach?"
She - Yup. (Clearly doesn't have my genes. Monosyllables is her thing.)
Me - What do you like about him?
She - He pushes me to do well. But he's very kind,
What? Kind? Is that a word a child even knows? I try to quiz her but she's back to her occasional nods but mostly ignoring me. She's done talking to this ignorant adult. But she gets me thinking...
Kindness! What a lovely word. One that we rarely hear and use even more rarely! We've certainly forgotten about how to put it into practice. We may know about charity, and a lot of people do it (the PR machinery & social media makes sure we know this), we also know about being kind to the less fortunate, needy etc etc. But what about the basic kindness? The little things that matter? The ones that are uplifting and heart warming? The ones that are performed not for the needy but for people like us - each other?
Let me start from the beginning.
Look around you (even at yourself). Social media - full of compliments for each other but that's what they are, compliments! Not kindness. Often they are just for social media, not really meant but a way to acknowledge that "I saw what you did". A thumbs up, "naice" (spellings anyone?), "looking good babe", "Wah! Maze kar." It doesn't even sound sincere.
On the other hand,it's a competition of who's doing better, who looks good and what have you. Punctuated by subtle put downs.
And in the middle of all this, we find it impossible to be kind to someone who "doesn't get us". We attach the label immediately - "moron." "Takes too long" - "idiot", messed up my order - "incompetent ass". And then yell, be rude, "show you", "teach you a lesson" starts.
Whatever happened to "it's OK", "you'll be fine", "you'll manage it next time", "try now", "you could do better", "I'm with you. Go ahead and try it". What happened to kindness?
What's with the judging, the labels, the impatience and the search for perfection? This seems to apply not only to the way we deal with others, but also in what we expect from ourselves. It's a state of constant war! It's a race where no one is winning. It's a place where everyone is anxious, faces FOMO and feels inadequate.
So the next time I'm feeling unkind, here's what I plan to do. I plan to ask myself, "does it really matter?" "Do I really need to berate this person?' "Do I really need to look like a million bucks all the time?" (I mostly look like out of circulation pennies, but that's another story). And most importantly, "can this be solved without being unkind?"
People, I notice, have begun to equate kindness with weakness or being a doormat. While what it is, is strength and peace.
All of us, as a generation are facing the loss of this simple thing and the next generation will be even lesser acquainted with it. So I'm starting today. I'm starting this circle of kindness, encouraging words and smiles.
And before you ask, no one's been unkind to me. At least not today!
Meanwhile, my niece is doing very well with her swimming coach. His kindness and encouragement is making a champ out of her in a way that pushing never could have! More power to you, sir!
Me - "Do you like our new swimming coach?"
She - Yup. (Clearly doesn't have my genes. Monosyllables is her thing.)
Me - What do you like about him?
She - He pushes me to do well. But he's very kind,
What? Kind? Is that a word a child even knows? I try to quiz her but she's back to her occasional nods but mostly ignoring me. She's done talking to this ignorant adult. But she gets me thinking...
Kindness! What a lovely word. One that we rarely hear and use even more rarely! We've certainly forgotten about how to put it into practice. We may know about charity, and a lot of people do it (the PR machinery & social media makes sure we know this), we also know about being kind to the less fortunate, needy etc etc. But what about the basic kindness? The little things that matter? The ones that are uplifting and heart warming? The ones that are performed not for the needy but for people like us - each other?
Let me start from the beginning.
Look around you (even at yourself). Social media - full of compliments for each other but that's what they are, compliments! Not kindness. Often they are just for social media, not really meant but a way to acknowledge that "I saw what you did". A thumbs up, "naice" (spellings anyone?), "looking good babe", "Wah! Maze kar." It doesn't even sound sincere.
On the other hand,it's a competition of who's doing better, who looks good and what have you. Punctuated by subtle put downs.
And in the middle of all this, we find it impossible to be kind to someone who "doesn't get us". We attach the label immediately - "moron." "Takes too long" - "idiot", messed up my order - "incompetent ass". And then yell, be rude, "show you", "teach you a lesson" starts.
Whatever happened to "it's OK", "you'll be fine", "you'll manage it next time", "try now", "you could do better", "I'm with you. Go ahead and try it". What happened to kindness?
What's with the judging, the labels, the impatience and the search for perfection? This seems to apply not only to the way we deal with others, but also in what we expect from ourselves. It's a state of constant war! It's a race where no one is winning. It's a place where everyone is anxious, faces FOMO and feels inadequate.
So the next time I'm feeling unkind, here's what I plan to do. I plan to ask myself, "does it really matter?" "Do I really need to berate this person?' "Do I really need to look like a million bucks all the time?" (I mostly look like out of circulation pennies, but that's another story). And most importantly, "can this be solved without being unkind?"
People, I notice, have begun to equate kindness with weakness or being a doormat. While what it is, is strength and peace.
All of us, as a generation are facing the loss of this simple thing and the next generation will be even lesser acquainted with it. So I'm starting today. I'm starting this circle of kindness, encouraging words and smiles.
And before you ask, no one's been unkind to me. At least not today!
Meanwhile, my niece is doing very well with her swimming coach. His kindness and encouragement is making a champ out of her in a way that pushing never could have! More power to you, sir!
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