Friday, 16 November 2012

Let's talk about sex baby!!!

Finally I've given in and decided to talk about sex! Yes! That all consuming subject! Sex! It's about procreation, recreation, expression of love...and if a male friend is to be believed, transaction!!! My conversation with him left me wondering, when did that happen?

Apparently my friend went out for lunch with a friend. They had known each other for a long time and he thought it was just going to be an afternoon of catching up. But apparently not! The friend took him completely by surprise when she made it clear that she was ok taking the friendship physical! One part of the man's mind told him to go for it! If the girl was willing, who was he to resist (and how typically male is that!), but another part of his mind told him to run for his life! And after the devil lost the battle, my friend ran! Everyone laughed at him for letting the entire male population of the world down! But he had a point!

He felt that the girl, an old friend, had suddenly realised that her biological clock was ticking, here was an eligible man and she wanted to "seal the deal!" I argued like crazy! For women it is about emotional engagement! We can't let a man touch us unless we feel great love! Yada yada yada! And to my shock, most men did not agree with me! What about drunken snog? Drunken sex? It has been known to happen! And what about sleeping with the guy because he is eligible and hoping that sex will take it to the next level! "You slept with me, now where is this going?"  "We had sex so are we seeing each other?" Or, "why did you sleep with me if you didn't want anything permanent?"

I don't agree with the men but I find it tough to disagree too! They have all heard these lines from the girls and we have heard them from our girl friends! "He's a dog! He slept with me then told me it wasn't working out!"

The point is that there are no absolutes! How do we know when it is the right time or what is on the other person's mind? We all grope in the dark and hope to find our way! And we do encounter bumps in the road! But fact is that women are the ones with the choices! The men either get permission to go ahead or it is denied to them! In the game of sexual encounters, men are followers, unless they force someone in which case, call the cops!

There are no answers to the age old question of should I sleep with him? And in the age of sexual liberation, you're doomed if you do and doomed if you don't! So how does a man figure out if the "deal is being sealed" and how does a woman check if "she's being taken for a ride?" And for once I have no answers! I am hoping to get them from the comments here!

So go us all!


  1. Hah! and nobody comments????

    I was discussing something with my friend who runs a very successful business here in Mumbai. He is married, has an amazing wife and two lovely girls. We were discussing sexual harrasment at work and he said Sandy, what world are you living in. 95% of the youngsters who are climbing up the ladder are sleeping their way through as well! My jaw drops very little and I thought I had the facts. He tells me very clearly, I could sleep with half my staff if I wanted and they would be willing, I know that, except I have no time with my work to even look up to even say hello and I am grateful that this is the way it is. The temptation for every guy is too much and heck, don't blame it on the guys. It's not that simple any more.
    Apparently I had them wrong. I discussed and argued a losing battle. I am from the nether world I am told.
    Here is my two bit though on your post. (I keep wondering why my comments are quite like a blogpost itself)...never mind....
    As far as relationships and trying to build a new relationship is concerned, it is a mix of a lot of things. Quite like Biryani I hear. Things do not stop at a kiss sometimes...women look for good old romance, men too (some at least)...and that is refreshing but wait, there is more. In these modern times, there is sleeping with each other, making out happening...there are choices though. You may go for a date and end up in bed because the fireworks blinded your senses and heck the person was hot and sexy...but marriage and a long term relationship is more than just a romp in bed. A lot of getting into bed with each other is about testing things out, compatibility; for some it is whether there is comfort or passion or whatever it is a person is looking for in bed apart from emotional connection. Sometimes, people end up having sex really quickly, that's the time, the morning or week after, one person pops up and says, hey, we need to talk. Now, whether, those five words leave your potential partner with a yea, lets or shows skid-marks is something else. Why would a person want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to commit or is just looking for sex? We ask that...but yea, different people look for different things. If you are looking for sex, no emotional hassles and no commitment, fine. If you are looking for more, you, as an adult, have a choice to walk away or carry on. That, doesn't change. We are not little children. We are adults and we have a choice about how it makes us feel and where we wish to go with it. You cannot blame it on the other person entirely. If you were led to it, you were also choosing to be led. If you weren't and it was forced, heck yes, call the cops. Bottomline, you have a choice on what to accept and what not to. There are no fixed rules and there are the ones you have made for yourself. It's your call.

  2. Sex - do it, if you want to. Else, don't. I agree with Sandhya Suri on the choice bit that she writes - only, both the people, men and women, have a choice. Personally, I belong to a bygone era. So, even if the hottest chick in town would walk by me, the thought of sex would not cross my mind - okay, go ahead and have a great laugh! But, that's just the way I am. For me, I need to be comfortable with another at many levels before I can even go to bed with her. And, that would take a whole lot of getting to know the person - mannerisms, hygiene factors, temperaments, etc before I can even proceed further. And, you know what? I may not bed women every weekend, but somehow, I am glad that I am the way I am. On the flip side, once I am committed, and the other partner too is committed to a relationship, then it is a total no-no in so far as having sex out of the relationship - be it for growth in career, or to kill a cockroach! Old fashioned? Well...

  3. I completely agree with all that's been written above. It's a funny world we live in. A friend of mine was being hit upon by a guy and when she refused to proceed any further he sarcastically told her, "I thought you were a modern girl." Well he did received an earful from her on equating 'being modern' with 'being available'. But here's the catch - if we do, we are loose; if we don't, we are uptight. It's not easy for the guys too. I know of girlfriends who have tried their luck and left 'dry' because the boys did not want to; they went ahead and branded them 'gay'. Hello, there's something known as 'free will.' How does one make method of this madness?

    We all know that it is about choices. I personally think, you must take responsibility for your choices. There is never an absolute time and not everyone is psychic to know what's going on in the other person's mind. When you can't predict yourself in different situations, how can you gauge others. If you want to throw caution the winds and are not bothered about the outcome, go ahead. If you are doing it to get something in return, refrain, because you are being unfair to yourself and when things don't work your way, you will have a bagful of guilt to deal with. No 'hard' feelings :)

  4. Each one to their own.. Traditional or Modern.. Or stuck in between.. Its a choice which each one makes. In such situations, Yes, there is bound to be confusion, which is totally normal - 'coz thats the way most of us are moulded to think..

    Sandhya has put in most of it. I guess we should all be "mature" enough to deal with such situations.

    If i meet a guy at a FL event / any other platform.. - we get interested in each other, meet up, make each other laugh, like each other's company -
    In the first place, I would indulge because I feel a certain chemistry/connection with him, and I would like to believe he feels the same too. Love cannot happen overnight,(atleast for someone like me in late 30s)even after meeting someone even 10, 20, 30 times. Going ahead, we will anyways know where it is going or not going.

    If we slept with each other... Why think of it. It is just a part of the process. What is important is - how are we both conducting with each other in all other aspects as well.
    There is always confusion between lust and love. It is good to understand the difference between lust and love, and the Sooner they understnd, the better.

  5. Reading the blog and the comments, all I can say is - "Taali ek haat se nahin bajti". And don't think so much folks - you'll end up making a falooda of your mind.

    Live your life to the fullest.


    1. Completely agree with ur life @ end if the day it's you who is in why wait for others input.

  6. I am frankly a little surprised at the flow of the conversation. Looks like SEX is something, you indulge only if you intend to enter the Holy Matrimony. In this age and time, what I have experienced is that you have sex cos you enjoy the act and find the partner desirable.
    Its your life and live it up.

  7. It is individual's choice whether to associate sex with commitment, emotional involvement, matching competencies on all levels or to have it just for the fun. Sex is expression of love, feelings for each other, it is a language where mind, body and soul are involved. It has to be on all these 3 levels. Some may agree with me and some may not. But in my opinion, it is the language of love, kiss is not meeting of lips but it is conversation between pair of lips. So sex is like beautiful painting which 2 willing people need to paint in harmony.

  8. Sex the three letter taboo word ! Times have changed and we have too. I think if you are aware of the consequences whether it ends in marriage or the other obvious things no one is to complain or blame. A lot of us are still waiting for that special person who they will walk down the alter with first. yet some of us want a 'No strings attached, un complicated thing !I guess each to his own.
    A union of minds is of course so important and without mental stimulation everything else is meaningless. But then it is the age of instant gratification. I really do not know if sex is because of love or lust .I am still finding out !!

  9. I was in Stolkholm, Sweden for sometime. 70 percent of the city is single. All across Scandinavia , it comes to some 56percent
    I realised, the feeling towards Sex is of a very matter of fact approach, uncomplicated.
    The answer to the great debate was..who has made Sex as a holy cow, consenting folks
    are welcome to do what they want..So why this hullabaloo ..

    1. Well I wish I was in Stolkholm !The guys especially .We are all entitled to our opinions and approach. No one is being judgemental or stirring up a storm or getting our knickers in a twist !!By the way by what name do we call you ??
      Varsha I am waiting for your final on the above comments...