Monday, 14 January 2013

New Year Resolutions you can keep!

 Everyone has been asking me about my new year resolutions and I'm a little stumped. After years of making resolutions and breaking them (read forgetting), I had stopped making any. But the pressure is getting to me, so I have drawn up a list of resolutions that are easy to keep. This is my list - feel free to add to it!
1 -  I will put on 24 kilos by the end of the year. 2 kilos a month seems achievable and I've already been working on it!
2 -  I will eat everything in sight! This is to aid resolution number 1 and both are not mutually exclusive!

3 -  I will pay the gym for a year and not show up. What could be easier? In any case, I do this every year.
4 -  I will smoke myself silly. I resolve to stop every year, so going to go this route to see if reverse psychology actually works. We'll call this research.
5 -  I will shop till I drop. Reverse psychology again!

6 -  I will fight with my brothers. It's a hard habit to break, so may as well add it to the resolution list and claim success.
7 -  I shall party my life away. Luckily, this is part of my job, so I can claim to be truly efficient.
8 -  I will hoard non sense.
9 -  I shall find no time to go to those pottery classes I have been wanting to take. Easily achievable again since I will be shopping and partying in stead.
10 -  I will not try to be a better person - because I'm bloody perfect already! What's to improve?
11 -  I will contribute to a greener earth by buying lots of vegetable dyed skirts!
12 -  I will support the economy by fulfilling resolutions no. all of the above!
13 -  I will behave like a dumb damsel in distress.
14 -  I will forget everyone's birthday because true friends don't care. This is a fun and easy test of friendship and I shall enjoy it very much.
15 -  I will try to remember my resolutions from the past years and resolve to never make them again!
16 - Most importantly, I shall let people whine about being single and not encourage them to get out. This will be tough, but if they can't make the effort themselves, then why would I keep encouraging them to step out? Let them step up and take charge!

Now tell me, what are your resolutions?

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