When I was single, I used this phrase a lot to describe myself. while the fact is that I wasn't being able to make things work, relationshipwise! In any case, what was I going to commit to? Thin air? An imaginary person? And the day I met someone who was not afraid to commit to me, I realised that I have no commitment phobia either. In a heart beat, I went from scared to totally ready to take the plunge.
To me, this word connotes an inability to stay put. It says, I am not sure of what I want in life, but it certainly isn't you. When you meet a perfectly nice person and you inform them that you are commitment phobic, you should stop wondering why no one wants to go out with you. It's because you have just informed the other person that your intentions are frivolous. At best, you want a few days of fun, a roll in the hay and then to move on!
In my opinion, it doesn't make one cool but flighty and unsure. And why should I waste my time with someone who at the onset has told me that he doesn't think I'm worth it? I'm not expecting the world at my feet, just a little respect. And when "commitment phobia" is bandied about like a badge of honour, I feel disrespected. I want to ask, "so what is it that you want from me? To help you pass the time?"
And commitment phobia denotes a lot else. If you are that afraid of anything permanent in your life, how will you ever hold on to a job? How will you buy a car? A house? Because that is commitment to paying EMIs for long periods of time. How will you get anywhere in life? Are you a runner? Do I need to look after you? Hold your hand? Help you get through your fears? Are you looking for a shrink in me? Because trust me, no one really wants all this in a relationship! We are willing to take the good with the bad, but when you try to start with the bad, we see this going "90 miles an hour down dead end street!" (song by Bob Dylan. Go hear it.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb_2W-W7eQ0
I remember meeting a perfectly delightful man who said he had commitment issues but was doing very well in all other areas of life. He was seeing my friend. As time went by, we figured that relationships were the only thing he was afraid of. Finally we found out that he was cheating on his already existing girl friend with her. No wonder he was afraid to commit!
The situations may vary, but the term remains distasteful! Especially coming from men and women in their 30s and more. It simply says to me, "we would like to play the field so stop bothering with us." I may be wrong and this opinion may be mine alone, but some of the most fabulous, strong and admirable people I know have not been afraid to commit, and I raise my imaginary hat to their strength today! You broke the shackles of your fear! As for the commitment phobic, your phobia is nothing but an escape route and most of us can see it!
To me, this word connotes an inability to stay put. It says, I am not sure of what I want in life, but it certainly isn't you. When you meet a perfectly nice person and you inform them that you are commitment phobic, you should stop wondering why no one wants to go out with you. It's because you have just informed the other person that your intentions are frivolous. At best, you want a few days of fun, a roll in the hay and then to move on!
In my opinion, it doesn't make one cool but flighty and unsure. And why should I waste my time with someone who at the onset has told me that he doesn't think I'm worth it? I'm not expecting the world at my feet, just a little respect. And when "commitment phobia" is bandied about like a badge of honour, I feel disrespected. I want to ask, "so what is it that you want from me? To help you pass the time?"
And commitment phobia denotes a lot else. If you are that afraid of anything permanent in your life, how will you ever hold on to a job? How will you buy a car? A house? Because that is commitment to paying EMIs for long periods of time. How will you get anywhere in life? Are you a runner? Do I need to look after you? Hold your hand? Help you get through your fears? Are you looking for a shrink in me? Because trust me, no one really wants all this in a relationship! We are willing to take the good with the bad, but when you try to start with the bad, we see this going "90 miles an hour down dead end street!" (song by Bob Dylan. Go hear it.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb_2W-W7eQ0
I remember meeting a perfectly delightful man who said he had commitment issues but was doing very well in all other areas of life. He was seeing my friend. As time went by, we figured that relationships were the only thing he was afraid of. Finally we found out that he was cheating on his already existing girl friend with her. No wonder he was afraid to commit!
The situations may vary, but the term remains distasteful! Especially coming from men and women in their 30s and more. It simply says to me, "we would like to play the field so stop bothering with us." I may be wrong and this opinion may be mine alone, but some of the most fabulous, strong and admirable people I know have not been afraid to commit, and I raise my imaginary hat to their strength today! You broke the shackles of your fear! As for the commitment phobic, your phobia is nothing but an escape route and most of us can see it!
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