Tuesday, 22 April 2014

That first date!

This post can also be read on iDiva.com


What Men Say That Women Don't Hear

By Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar  | posted Apr 18th 2014 at 1:24PM
Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar
Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar
Varsha Agnihotri Vadhyar is the co-founder of Footloose No More, a platform which redefines the way marriages happen in urban India. Having launched three years ago in Mumbai, it is now in Pune too. Footloose No More was started by Varsha and her brother, Abhishek Agnihotri who have, since its launch, also found their soulmates in the group. The core of the group is marriage- in a fun, friendly and modern way.
What Men Say That Women Don't Hear

Desperate is good but over eager is not.

He says -"Let’s go out for a coffee!"

She hears: Let’s get married soon."

And that seems to be a fact! If I had a buck for every time I’ve come across this, I’d be a rich girl!
Last week a friend called me in panic. “I blew it”, she wailed. Apparently she had met this great guy at a party. They really connected and exchanged numbers and parted ways promising to catch up soon. After 3 days of chatting on line and texts, he popped the question. “Shall we meet for a coffee?”

When they met, the magic was still there. The conversation flowed and jokes came easy. They seemed to really get along. And then, after finishing her coffee, she asked him, “so when do you see a marriage happening?”.  There was a long silence, after which he squeaked, “Marriage? With whom?”  Now it was her turn to be shocked. “Wasn’t this date going really well? Didn’t everything seem right? Wasn’t the connect awesome? Then what’s with the delay?” finally he called her desperate and left.

To deviate a little, I love the word desperate. It’s an action word. It makes you do things. Desperate for success.  Work hard. Content people are happy to just be. So being desperate is good. At least you get out acquiring the things you want.(This philosophy is completely stolen from my brother. But I agree whole heatedly.)

Getting back on track – desperate is good. But over eager is not! Trying too hard is unattractive and jumping the gun is a no. And a first date is not the place to discuss wedding plans. As the guy told her, the coffee was just to see if they could go on a second date – a dinner maybe! And that’s when they would decide if it could extend to spending the day together and meeting each other’s friends. The wedding discussion is not on the agenda on the first, second or third date. If it is, then desperate becomes a dirty word!

So go ahead,  go on that date, have fun, see if you connect, but hold on to the marriage talk till you are both comfortable with it. Trust me, when it feels right, it’ll come up anyway! But make sure you put in the effort to look for the one – do something about what you want – be desperate!

No comments:

Post a Comment